I'm Sorry My Friend, I Never Asked

if I still remember right, in a few days it's gonna be two years since this happened.
Two Years
& I, myself, can't talk abt it .. I can't bring it up & I can't think abt it without my eyes tearing up
What about you? How are you? Are you good ? May I ask?
I need to know that you're good, but I just can't ask. I can't bear breaking your heart & making you relive the tragedy. I can't do that.

Do you still miss him?
I sure do miss you =[


I miss that special thing about you. I miss your beautiful childish smile.
I miss the sparkle I saw in your eyes everytime you talked about him.

Do you still cry yourself to sleep?
Do you still sleep hugging his deshdasha.. inhaling his scent as it's your oxygen?


And if I may ask, how does it feel like to be living, but not really living?
being trapped inside a body with no heart or even mind, just you & a ghost of your so called heart, that poor little agonized heart.


Do u still fake a smile everytime someone tells a joke?
Do you still blame yourself? do you still think "what if"?

it have been two years now
how did you manage to survive? how does it feel without him?
& from the inside .. deep in your heart .. are you still alive? Are u, my friend?
My friend, if I told you I understand how you felt then I would be lying to your face, because I don't know how it feels & I don't ever wanna know.
Because I,like you my friend, am daddy's little girl.


& I can't ask "how are you?" or "How is your life going without him?"
because I know it will break your heart & mine if I do =[


Forgive me, my dear friend, for I never asked. Forgive me, for I may never do.
I know he meant everything to you.. I know you loved him more than anything in this world.. I know no words of condolence will ever be enough.. I know no words can describe your loss.
but there's nothing that you can do, nor something that you could've done to prevent this. This is how things were meant to be.
You can cry your heart out, you can give up & choose not to live. Nevertheless, non of this will bring him back. And everytime you ask yourself "Will he ever come back?", you'll get the same answer.. the one your little brother heard when he told your mum that he would give all of his toys to Allah just to get daddy back. You'll hear the same answer all over again, again & again
he's gone & that is a fact. But you should never forget that he's alive inside of you.. in what's left of your heart, his kingdom.


one last thing I have to say
ياعساه في جنه الخلد مرتاح  

4 التعليقات:

msha3erha يقول...

الله يرحمه و يغفر له...و عسى تلاقيه في الجنه يا رب

اللهم ارحم موتانا و موتى المسلمين

ebtsamh يقول...

الله يسكنه الجنة ..

انتي قدها وقدود ..

Hope يقول...

msha3erha

اللهم آمين .. يزاج الله خير

Hope يقول...

ebtsamh

آمين .. يزاج الله خير