و بالعربي غير

2 التعليقات
I've written this a long time ago, early in the summer, probably in July & I've been hesitant on whether 2 publish it or not . Now I've made up my mind & I'm gonna press the publish button, I know my Arabic is not so good but I've gotta try 2 improve it & this is only a small tiny step 2wards making it better.
Plz don't B shy to share you comments. Constructive criticism will B very much appreciated =]

...

مازلت هنا.. مازلت متماسكة
و ذلك لأنني و فقط لأنني مؤمنه..

مؤمنه بأنه في هذا الكون و على هذا الكوكب على وجه التحديد، في مكان ما يتواجد نصفي الآخر
شخص صرخ صرخته الأولى في هذه الدنيا معي..
شخص لا ينزعج من صوتي الرنان الذي يعلن وصولي في اي بقعه احط قدماي فيها
هناك... في مكان بعيد.. ربما في النصف الآخر من الكرة الأرضيه إنسان..
إنسان لامست يداه ذرات التراب ذاتها تلك التي مشيت عليها على الشاطئ ذلك اليوم.. و سافرت جزيئات الاوكسجين أميال و أميال ليستنشق الهواء ذاته الذي استنشقته و بالتركيز ذاته

أنا أؤمن بأن هنالك شخص ما شعر بوخزه في قلبه لسبب يجهله يوم وقعت و جرحت ركبتي للمره الأولى
شخص يحب الشوكولا بقدر ما أحب، يرى العالم كما اراه في عيني الصغيرتين، يؤمن بما اؤمن و يحلم مثلما احلم كل ليلة
شخص يؤمن بوجودي و يكافح في هذه الحياة على أمل ان يلقاني يوماً
شخص مجنون مثلي تماماً، و لا يمانع كوني طفلة أنانية تريد كل شي لها وحدها
و شخص يحبني قوية.. و يسايرني حين افرض سيطرتي على اكبر الامور و اصغرها و لا يخجل من التنازل عن القيادة لي


يحب الطماطم و التفاح الأحمر الأمريكي، يشاطرني جنوني و هوسي بالشوكولا و يستيقظ كل صباح ليشرب الحليب الدافئ مثلي تماماً
شخص لا يمانع دخول المطبخ معي، لنخبر كعكتنا معاً  و هو مثلي يعشق تلك المستديره المجنونة التي أسرتني منذ الصغر ولا زالت تفرض سيطرتها على عالمي

أنا اؤمن بأن الصدفة، تلك التي يقولون عنها بأنها خير من الف ميعاد،  ستجمعنا يوماً و في لحظه سحرية يصطدم عالمينا فيندمجان للأبد ليكونا واحداً

لهذا السبب و لهذا فقط ما زلت هنا، مازلت اكافح، و أقف المره تلو الأخرى 
لهذا لا يهمني كم مره اسقط... لأنني سأقف على رجلي و سأكون أقوى كل مره... و سأستمر بالمحاولة
لان شخصي هذا الذي اخبرتكم عنه للتو يقوم بتلك الامور ذاتها كل يوم، و يكافح من اجلى
فلمَ ابخل عليه بقليل من الصبر و الكفاح؟
شخصي بالذات يستحق الأفضل، و ما خلته صدفة تجمعنا ستكون قدراً

Thank You

2 التعليقات
A Big Huge THank You Goes out to my Lovely Freinds & Amazing Family
Allah y5aleekom li wala ya7remni menkom my sweethearts

My lovely friends managed to surprise me not only OnCe, but TWICE... Yes, twice, 4 my B-Day
So in total I got to celebrate my B-Day 3 times this year =]
That was so sweet of 'em.. really heart warming
I love you guys

 I knew they were planning sth, I felt a bit suspicious but I didn't c this coming O_o  The only thing I managed to do was smile lol I smiled so bad my cheeks hurt 
& 2day.. 1 week after my B-Day they surprised me AGAIN =] 
I was really surprised this time.. took some time to grasp it lol, I was a lil bit slow.. I love surprises, thank U everyone, U made this B-Day a very special one, thanks 4 the gifts, the cakes & 4 drawing a smile on my face, I really appreciate it!!
I love the fact that U guys do listen, U do know what I love, U simply know me & this is just gr8 =D

Thank you everyone
My family & My friends "I Love You"
May this B a wonderful year for All of us

Tell you a lil secret =p I blew the candles 3 times but I haven't made a single WiSh, 4 I have way too many wiShes =$ May all of them come true
...

PiCs


Those are 21 BLUE candle 4 me 



Pasta for the B-Day Gal =D 


& they SURPRISED me..
e5tra3t lol

...

Dear Some one,
"Happy Birthday" I wish I heard it from you.. it would've made me much happier =]
You probably 4got, You were probably busy.. it's o.k

It's My Birthday

7 التعليقات

Yes!! It's MY BIRTHDAY =]


I can't believe I'm 21 already!! I used to be 12 years old not so long ago
Happy Birthday to me =D
Allah yj3lha senat 5air 3lai o yarzegni feeha mthl ma temnait o akthar
Getting older & older isn't cute or nice =p it comes with a huge load of responsibility & lots 'n lots of expectations, bs hopefully I'm up to it =]
So, the plan is I'm gonna go out 'n have fun ;)  celebrate with my cousin & try to create some good memories 


Change

2 التعليقات
Hey there!!
I survived that wedding I told you abt !! Yaaaaaaaay =D now I need a few months of rest to recover lol. I think I 4got how exhausting preparing for a wedding is, especially if it's a close relative's wedding.
& I'm back to school. it SuCks BIG TIME!!
I'm not comfortable, sth has changes, the thing is I dunno what that thing is, things don't feel right, sth is different, I dunno is it the fact that very soon I will finally be studying the thing I choose to study? or is it sth else? mmm, I dunno what it is, bs I definitely sense a change... & jate changes, I love this 2 stay the way they are, bs can help do a thing.. Life is all abt changes



So, the weather is getting better, I can finally enjoy seeing some clouds in the sky =] just looking at a sky full of clouds in an early morning makes me HAPPY =]

Sth I never saw coming seems 2 B happening. I never thought I'd find myself in such a situation, but currently, I'm just trying to learn a lesson, trying to do the right thing.. 
Back in 2005, January to be specific, Croatia lost their top spot to Spain in the Handball World Cup & that was a BIG surprise for everyone, I was so sad, you know me, I'm such a bad loser & I hate it when my team loses, especially when the loss comes unexpected.
But that day, I learned a lesson, I was ever surprised to see Vlado Šola, their Croatian team captin & goalkeeper & 1 of my fav handball players, celebrate his silver medal, he was all smiling, laughing , celebrating, & taking pics, totally enjoying the ceremony, as if he was the winner, & the guy just lost his #1 position.. Man!! What a spirit!!

So the lesson is, Enjoy ur life, the good & the bad, meaning make a good memory out of a bad one, don't let space in your life for bad memories for they will bring you no good, look at the full half of the glass, live positive =] 
Celebrate ur success no matter how tiny it is, no matter how little ppl think of it.. it's ur success, it's ur achievement to celebrate.. 

I know some ppl will always underestimate ur achievement, will always be little you & are always ready to splash salt right on ur fresh wound.. the only solution 4 those is ignoring them, act as if they don't exist, they don't deserve your attention.
...

I'm so sick of ppl trying to change me =[ 
Everyone around me is trying to change sth abt me.. like I'll B much more suitable when they change me!! I'm not a doll. I'm not gonna change. If I don't want 2 change then I NEVER will.
I'll never change those little things in me, those thing u guys find annoying.. FYI some ppl love me for these things, those little things make me ME & I'm not willling to change a tiny teeny bit in me 4 ppl, I'm not willing 2 change just to please ppl. Pleasing ppl & getting their approval isn't on top of my priorities.
You just need to understand that some things never change, I'm Hope & not that person you want me 2 B.
B it me writing with a pencil or being a nerd,, I'm not gonna change for your sake.
Bottom Line: "I am what I am, not what ppl want me 2 B"

2 those who love me 4 who I am & wouldn't change a bit in me:  I LOVE U 

...

I have 2 admit that I have this habit of wanting everything to B perfect, trying to fix everything & everyone, & I've been told a million time that some things can not B fixed & some ppl are not worth the effort,, bs I just can't give up, I can't seem to stop worrying abt fixing every little thing & making everything right.
I gotta try, at least try every now & then.. you never know, these efforts may eventually pay off
Giving up isn't a quality of a champ, so I shall try & try & try

...


همسه ~~
Me retenait les mains


انت بس

3 التعليقات
"انا مو مرتاح.. انا مو مرتاح.. والله انا مو مرتاح"

انا ادري انك طول هالمده مو مرتاح، ولا انا مرتاحه
بس لما قلتها و سمعتها منك انكسرت
انكسر قلبي.. تمنيت كل هالتعب فيني ولا فيك
آه لو تدري!! ابيع الدنيا باللي فيها و اشتريك.. انت بس


اللهم اشرح صدره.. اللهم اشرح صدره

!! Help Needed Over Here

4 التعليقات
Dear Followers,

Remember my famous chocolate cheese cake that I showed you guys in a couple of posts here & here ?
well, Eb6ainiya Blog announced that they're holding a Ramadan Recipe contest & I decided to participate with this recipe, you can find my recipe here. If You happen to like it =p plz vote for me over here. It's # 30, the last on the list =] 

Now I'm gonna post the recipe & the pics again for those who're too lazy to open all these links =p
it's all in Arabic, bs if some1 wants me to post it in English, don't be shy to ask =] I'll be glad to do that







المكونات:
علبه و ربع بسكوت Digestive
نص قالب زبده
1 كوب طحين
1/2 كوب سكر
3 بيضات
1/2 كوب ككاو بودر nesquik  او Hershey’s
1 علبة جبنة فيلادلفيا لايت
4 قطع جبنة كيري
1 ظرف dream whip + 1/4 كوب ماء
1/2 علبة قيمر KDD
5 آرو
1/2 كيس Hershey’s milk chocolate chips
1/4 علبة كريمة KDD


الخطوات:

• نكسر بسكوت Digestive بالمطحنة، نذوب الزبدة بالمقلاة و نضيفها للبسكوت و نخلطهم عدل
• نحط البسكوت بقالب الـcheese cake  و نحطه بالفرن من 5 الى 10 دقايق
• نطلع القالب و نخلي البسكوت يبرد على ما نجهز الخليط
• نخلط الـdream whip مع  1/4 كوب ماء بالخلاط الكهربائي بسرعة متوسطه
• نضيف الطحين تدريجيا، ثم نضيف البيض
• بعد ما تنخلط المكونات السابقة عدل، نضيف لهم الككاو بودر بالتدريج
• نضيف جبنه كيري بعد ما نقطعها قطع صغار و بعدين نضيف جبنه فيلادلفيا و السكر
• نخلي الخليط لما يتجانس، و نكسر الآرو و نضيف عليه القيمر بإناء منفصل و نسويله حمام مائي و ممكن نذوبه بالمايكروويف لمدة 40 ثانيه، بعدين نخلط الارو مع القيمر يدوياً لما يتجانس و يكون كل الككاو ذايب
• نضيف خليط القيمر و الآرو بالخلاط
• بعد ما ينخلط كل شي و يتكون عندنا خليط متجانس، نصبه بقالب الـ cheese cake و ندخل القالب الفرن بحمام مائي
• يفضل تلفون القالب بقصدير من تحت و هم من فوق على شان لا يتسرب له ماء و يخرب طبقة البسكوت، و لازم نسوي فتحات بالقصدير إذا غطينا القالب من فوق
• نخلي الكيكة بالفرن لمدة ساعة إلى ساعة و ربع، بعدين نطفي الفرن بس ما نفتحه و نخلي فيه الكيكة نص ساعة اضافيه
• لما نطلع الكيكة ننطر عليها لما تبرد، و نجهز الطبقة الأخيرة اللي اهيا ككاو هيرشيز، و نضيف عليه شويه كريمة، ربع او اقل من ربع العلبه، على حسب شكثر تبون الطبقة الاخيره تكون مركزة
• نخلط الككاو و الكريمه و نحطهم بالمايكروويف 40 ثانيه، نخلطهم بعدين يدويا عدل و نصب الخليط فوق الكيكة و بعدين ندخلها بالثلاجة و ممكن اللي يحب يزين الكيكة بالفليك، عاد كل واحد يتفنن بطريقه التزيين

ممكن تؤكل الكيكة باردة عند التقديم و ممكن للي يحب يسخن قطعته بالمايكروويف 10 ثواني و بتشوفون ان طبقة الككاو اللي فوق ساحت و غطت كل الكيكة و صار شكلها يشـــــــــــوق



Thaaaaaaaaaaanx guys =D

عيدكم مبارك ,,,

4 التعليقات
السلام عليكم و رحمه الله و بركاته

عيدكم مبارك و كل عام و انتو بخير
تقبل الله طاعتكم و عساكم من عواده

...

I'll be posting abt Eid like I always do very soon InShallah
I'm just so busy preparing for this wedding coming up, I've got tons of things to do & I hope I don't forget any lol

Let's make this Eid a very special one guys. Forgive, Love, & have lots of fun =]
Whatever happened has happened, it's in the PAST now, so forget abt it & try to forgive
Enjoy your Eid everyone

Anything & Everything

4 التعليقات
Hey there =D

Hope everyone is enjoying Ramadan! time is going by so quickly, I don't want the holiday to come to an end =[
So, this post is gonna be about anything & everything, a mixed up one 

I've got a lot of things to do, a lot & no time at all, I've wanted to bake a cake for ages now but I can't cuz the fridge is stuffed with all kinds of desserts, abi asawi caaaaaake!!

That other day I went to the super market o guess sheno legait?
my fav chewing gum when I was in KG

& my fav Biscuit

Ayaaaaam, Dad used to take me to the supermarket to buy chocolates, gum, & candy everyday either b4 or after KG =]

now back to present time ;p

I got it & I'm over the moon, the best 9o'3a of the year, no no, the best 9o'3a ever



...

Fellow blogger Danderma did a tag a few days ago & I miss doing tags, so I decided I wanna do it & I did 
a chance for you guys to get to know me better =p


A
– Available: Yes
– Age: 20
– Animals: I hate them
B
– Beer: Eww
– Birthday: November, 26th
– Best friends: 2 or 3
– Body Part on opposite sex: Eyes, lips, chest, arms, cheek bones & rule #1 is NO KARSHA =p
– Best feeling in the world: Achieving my goals & seeing how proud & happy my Dad is =]
– Best weather: Cold & rainy
– Been in Love: NO
– Been on stage: Yes
– Believe in Magic: Yes
– Believe in Santa: Nah
– Brand: Back Street Boys
C
– Candy: It's o.k
– Color: BLUE
– Chocolate/Vanilla: Chocolate all the time
– Chinese/Indian/Italian: Italian
- Cake or pie: Cake
– Cheese: YES
D
– Day or Night: Day
– Dancing in the rain: NO DANCING FOR ME =p 
E
– Eyes: Dark brown I guess =S
– Ever failed a class?: Never, el7emdella!
– Enemies: Unfortunately many jealous ones!

– Exercise: Used to =[ 

F
– First thoughts waking up: Let's go say hi to Dad
– Food: PASTA

G
– Greatest Fear: Loss
– Goals: A lot of them
– Get along with your parents: Yes, el7emdella =]
H
– Hair Color: Black
– Happy: Yes, el7emdella
– Holiday: LOVE IT!
I
– Ice Cream: BR Chocolate Mousse Royale
J
– Jewelry: Earings
– Job: Student =p
K
– Kids: Dunno, maybe sometime in the future
– Kickboxing or karate: Kickboxing
– Keep a journal?: Yes
L
– Love: Means family
– Laughed so hard you cried: Long time ago I guess
M
- Milk flavor: Chocolate
– Movies: Comedy
– Motion sickness: No, el7emdella
– McD’s or BK: None, I don't eat fast food =]
N
– Number: 11
O
– One wish: Never lose in anything, never lose anyone
P
– Perfect Pizza: Papa Johns pepperoni & cheese 
– Pepsi/Coke: None, I don't drink fuzzy drinks =]
– Perfume/Cologne: Delicious feeling, Emotion
Q
– Quail: what's that? a bird? 
R
– Reason to cry: Loss, disrespect, injustice, being helpless
– Reality T.V: The biggest loser
– Radio Station: Not a radio person
S
– Song: Out of The Blue
– Shoe size: 37
– Salad Dressing: Caesar 
– Skinny dip: o_O A big NO NO
– Strawberries/Blueberries: None
– Sport: Football & Tennis 
T
– Tattoos?: None
– Thunderstorms: Love the sound of it
U
– Unpredictable: kinda!
V
– Vacation spot(s): Dubai & The States
W
– Weakness: Dad
– Who makes you laugh the most: 3waSha 
– Worst Weather?: Hot summer
X
– X-Rays: Hate 'em, they're bad =p
Y
-Year it is now: 2011
-Yellow: not my color
Z
– Zoo animal: Lion 

....

Dear You,

I hate seeing you like this, I never thought I would see you like this =[ it breaks my heart to see you lying in that bed, I want you back home, I need you, I wanna talk to you
I promise, once U're home I'll do all of the tricks you want me to do. I'll answer all of your questions correctly, even the hard ones, I'll play games on you like I used to.. just come back =[
U're STRONG, U've always been, Don't give up on me now

I LOVE YOU

اللَّهُمَّ اشْفِ مَرْضانا وَمَرْضَى الْمُسْلِمِينَ

ما راح ننسى 2/8/1990

7 التعليقات
السلام عليكم و رحمه الله و بركاته



مع لوية رمضان الكل لاهي ، و البعض للأسف نسى اليوم شنو؟
اليوم ذكرى 21 على الغزو العراقي الغاشم على دولة الكويت

استغرب من الناس تطلب منا ان ننسى و نسامح!! شلون ننسى؟
في ام تنسى ولدها اللي عدموه جدامها؟ في ابو ينسى بنته اللي عذبوها و قتلوها؟
ننسى شنو ولا شنو؟ و نسامح على شنو ولا شنو؟
لو العالم بكبره ينسى احنا ما ننسى!! ما ننسى دمعة بابا جابر، بجى على ديرته جدام العالم كله

يمكن في ناس وايد طيبين و عندهم القدره على انهم يسامحون، بس انا لي هاليوم ماني قادره
مو متخيله احد يسامح اللي طعنه بظهره، و غدر فيه، رد الحسان بالاساءة و عض الايد اللي ياما و ياما انمدت له

اقول حق كل اللي غدر فينا و كل اللي تشمت، والله ان ما ننسى
والله ان البعض تستغرب منهم، يا اخي خل العروبه و الجيره على جنب، وين الانسانيه؟؟ 
بالغزو بين منو اللي يحب الكويت و منو المنافقين الحاقدين، انتو يمكن في يوم تنسون بس اللي انطعن بظهره عمره ما ينسى

شهدائنا الأبرار عسى الله يرحمكم لن ننساكم يا أبطال الكويت .. 
كل من ساهم في تحرير الكويت، كل من دافع عن قضية الكويت في الأزمه، شكرا لكم من القلب!!
الله يحفظ الكويت واهلها من كل مكرووه ..


...

it has been 21 years since the Iraqi invasion to Kuwait, & we will never forget
I was born during that time, & I can forget all those stories that grandma, grandpa, uncles & aunts told me
I've read a lot abt the invasion, I have so many books abt it, books abt our martyr, about the battle & it just HURTS
it breaks my heart =[ what kind of heartless ppl would do that?
if you would only see the pics, they're awful
For those who call this a Saddami act I say, No it's not, Iraqis did have a choice in this. They totally did, they choose by their own will to torture our ppl, to kill the old, the young & the youth
they sabotaged everything with their hands, they raped, they killed, they tortured & it was all by their own will

I don't think I'll ever find a way in my heart to 4give 'em, I truly don't
Forgiveness is a fine noble act, but I don't think I'm that good to forgive the ones who back-stabbed us, not yet, maybe I never will

On behalf of every Kuwaiti, on behalf of every loyal soul, I thank everyone who helped us, who stood with us, who fought for our cause
I wanna thank everyone who prayed for us during those awful 7 months, & for those who helped us regain our land, our country, I take off my hat
Thank you, we will forever B grateful

Our brave martyr, may you rest in peace

...

plz visit this web site: The Evidence
it's full of pictures after the invasion, an evidence of the destruction
an evidence of their act

لـعـلـه آخـر رمـضـآن...

4 التعليقات
مبارك عليكم الشهر و عساكم من عواده
ربِ ادخل شهر رمضان علينا وانت راضٍ عنا واجعله شهر تتبدل فيه ذنوبنا الى حسنات وهمومنا الى افراح واحلامنا الى واقع ورضـاك عنا اكبر آمالنا

PinkiYa's B-Day

0 التعليقات
On saturday we celebrated the birthday of our beloved PinkiYa, we really had fun & enjoyed our time
lunch, movie, & then the celebration =]
 PinkiYa, I love you sweetie, Allah y5aleech li wala ya7remni mnech


I'll leave U with Pics =p


lunch in Fridays


I like the decoration
this guy is smiling for the Pic wala ana yethya2li?


You want B-Day girl opinion? You got it


@ chocolate bar


Happy B-Day Pinkya =*

Ambaih

2 التعليقات
I've been so eager to bake sth lately, so yesterday I decided I'll bake a chocolate cheese cake, so more than abt half way through I felt a bit tired, never had this feeling b4, then my head was spinning,  I sat 4 a while, took a sip of water hoping everything will go back to normal.. Then I nearly fainted.. looked as yellow as a lemon, & my BP was 82/55.. Ambaaaaaaih 55 diastolic, I can't believe it, I've compromised my heart, my poor lil heart =[ stupid me all bcuz I don't eat enough, Bro wanted to take me to hospital but I refused, so mum forced me to eat & eat & eat then everything went back to normal el7emdella
So, I'm gonna eat, & eat & eat even if I don't feel like it

I've also started taking Omega 3 again, cuz last time I took them everything was fine, so I want things 2 B FINE =p I'm nearly done reading the book, 200 pages or less left & I don't recommend it & I won't lend it to any friend lol, not that it's not good, but OMG!! it has so much x-rated stuff, I was abt to stop reading it when I realized I'm more than half way through it, so decided I would finish reading it & skip the parts that R supposed to B censored


off the subject, I've got a wedding this 3eed, a7es weird, I don't want to spend my 3eed in the beauty salon, wai3.. grooming & getting ready just to look good enough to please ppl =S
I can't skip this one, I don't have a good excuse & it's my cousin's so really can't skip, gotta go =[ I'll try to be a lady, bs wallah if I hear any stupid comment it might be the last wedding I attend, don't you guys hate the sorta comments when this lady who happens to know your mum & aunties come over to say hi & then showers you with a million kiss *waaai3* & then she goes like "Bentech?" & when your mum says Yes she goes like "Wallah 5osh entaj" & does the thumbs up sign & winks... Ambaaaaih o_O trra I'm a human being, y3ni this is supposed to be a compliment mathalan?? I felt pretty much like go6i pepsi..
PPL don't compliment me, o.k? I don't take compliments.


Planning PinkiYa's B-Day this weekend, should be lotsa fun, I love this girl, she's such a sweetheart, one of a kind.. Allah y5aleeha li, I can tell her everything & she'll listen & listen.. Gosh I love her

Now that I'm done talking let me show you a glimpse of my cake.. Frankly, 1st I thought it must be a total failure as I was very dizzy when I made it, ironically, it turned out to be better than the ones I've backed when I was all sound & fine lol


tshaweg mo?
who wants a piece?






these are supposed to keep me strong =]


....


btw, do you guys like the new layout? 

Recovery plan

2 التعليقات
Yes, I'm recovering believe it or not
I feel better, I'm putting it all behind my back, there's not much I can do abt it right now. So, I choose to 4get all abt it, start fresh. I managed to "shut up" that sound at the back of my head that kept on telling me that I simply wasn't good enough. I'm MORE than good, I'm great, one of a kind & nothing will take me down. I've just lost a battle & I've got a war to win =D
I'm not sad anymore, yes I didn't get what I want, but this means that Allah has got a better plan 4 me, mayB sth bigger, sth better
إِنَّ مَعَ الْعُسْرِ يُسْراً

I'm still trying to avoid ppl, I'm not letting others know that this is the plan but somehow Dad seems to read my mind very very well, he' goes like "let's go out, don't you wanna go out, go out see ppl, don't lock ur self up" every 5 minutes =s I don't want to c ppl I don't.. I'm not a ppl person I've never been & now I'm growing to stay away form them. To please Dad & convince him that I'm o.k I started going out, a LOT. I don't want him to worry abt me when I'm totally fine & adjusting, I want him to let the worrying 4 me =p it's my thing, my job =]

I have lots of books to read, currently reading "This Charming Man" it's good, not so very good like I would get hooked up on it & never wanna stop reading it, but it's good, has some x-rated pages which I hated, skipped 'em other than that it's all good. So, now that've cancelled everything I've planned 4 the summer, I'm trying to set up a new plan, I think I wanna join a gym, I need to build up my body, put on some weight mayB. Gonna get a new hair cut, going for the extreme this time =D

lots of bloggers have stopped blogging others moved to new blogs, & some started fresh with a new blog & R trying to stay anonymous. Tell you a secret =p I myself thought of having a new blog, where I'll rant & rant & B anonymous, but then when I thought abt it, I thought it wasn't a good idea, I can't abandon my blog, I love it way too much & even if I had a new blog then those who know me WILL know me, I am the same person after all, so I decided not to precede with that. Part of the reason that made me think abt that was the fact that my friends know abt my blog, they know it's me, & I don't want to have them sorry abt me every time I write one of those dark depressing posts, I sometimes think they wouldn't approve of what I would say abt sth & I can't handle their reaction, But now I don't care, I really don't I'm sick of talking the way ppl want me 2 talk, doing things just to please them, this is my blog & I'll say everything I wanna say they way I wanna say it & if they don't like it then it's their problem

PiCs, PiCs, & more PiCs =p

done with this

Bunch of books to read =]

currently reading

BIG FAT LIAR

11 التعليقات
I've tried posting so bad, everyday I write a few words & then I find myself out of words ='[ so apart me for this post, maybe a lil bit not like me, jumping from one thing to another, but it's just bcuz I simply am not fine ='[


BIG FAT LIAR

Yes, that's ME. I confess I'm a big fat liar. Because every time some1 asks "How are you" I LIE. I say I'm great, all good but this is not the truth. I lie, I'm not good, & everything isn't perfect. I've been under enormous   amount of stress lately, nobody knows, I can just draw a big fake smile, wear some khel & everything would look just perfect & I say I'm fine, only I'm not, some how I managed the pressure & all that stress, I was handling it well, some things were good, they were RIGHT, other's were totally off, but at the end it all went wrong in a totally unbelievable way

I'm aaaaaaaaaaah , I'm...... I'm in pain
I'm suffering & I know, I juts know deep in my heart that nobody knows how it feels, this ugly painful feeling. I believe that nobody will ever understand, nobody. It's just awful, it feels like my heart, that lil muscular organ that's supposed to be the secret of my life, is burning, & it HURTS so bad
Life is hitting me, hitting me hard =[ I'm still fighting & what I hate the most is those fears of mine, the things I fear keep on happening one thing after another & it's just breaking my heart.. life is just not fair to me, just not fair.. I've been through a lot lately, so very tough time, lots of stress &  I was holding on, handeling it well, but then one thing on top of the other & I just can't can't take it.. not when it comes to these things

Dad is trying his best to let my mind off this thing but I just can't I told him u know more than anyone who I am & what I'm like & when it comes to this then things are out of my control & the river of tears just flows & I can't stop crying I just can't.. I can't not cry, especially when I feel like this.. I'll do the thing I've always done since I was a child, I'll look at him with tearful eyes, so speechless, with my trembling lips & I'll cry my heart out once you say what's wrong? he'll keep on asking what's wrong what's wrong, & I wanna scream it out, but I only can't, cuz when I cry I can't barely breath, I suffocate & I can't speak ='[
I played tricks on Dad, made him go & then cried my heart out, but he knew, he knew & I couldn't hide it, he saw it in my eyes, the pain, the bitter sorrow
usually, I blame myself, I'm always so harsh on myself & now I hate it I just hate it & 4 the 1st time in my life I've got nothing to blame myself 4 ='[ It's usually the guilt that kills me, but this time I wonder what am I guilty of? Being such a good person? working hard? deserving it? wanting it so bad?

I know, I KNOW I am a good person & I don't deserve all these things to happen to me, I really don't.. this hurts even more than when it'a all my fault, if it's my fault then I can take it, bs this I can't, I deserve better.
I needed to talk to some1, some1 who wouldn't judge me & I did.. felt much better, but still there's this sadness, I'm sad, I'm not so angry, I'm just sad & I don't think I can recover from this ='[

I'm mentally, emotionally, & physically tried. Every part of my body clicks, my hair is falling, no volume anymore, ppl telling me you look so thin, & although I looked @ myself in the mirror everyday, I only noticed how scary I now look, just did a week ago... Do u know what I said back then? "I hope it's all worth it" & now I dunno if it was ='[ at one crazy moment I thought Y not give up? I could very easily do that, but I can't, won't.. I'm not a loser I'm not a quitter, I'll stay undefeated, nothing will take me down, I've got a soul of a fighter & I'll get what I want, I WILL.. Not giving up anytime soon

now I'm hating everything, I don't want to be around ppl, they keep on hurting me. Cancelling everything I had planned 4 the summer, I wanna re-evaluate the situation, re-evaluate everything, try 2 c the big pic, try to find out what's wrong

I'm fighting this, I'm fighting it with all that I am & now one will break my spirit, nobody
 I have faith that things will get better, I'll pray for things to get better & I've never asked Allah & got turned down, I have faith in Allah 
I shall stay strong,  I shall stay strong

& one more thing at the end of this long post
الحمد لله ، الف الحمد لله على كل حال

FREE

4 التعليقات
I'm free
Yes, I am =]
el7emdella, my summer has finally started
I have lots & lots of things to say, I need some time to rest, just a couple of days
I never thought stress would affect me like this! this past month was a tough one & just 2day when I looked at myself in the mirror I noticed those black circles under my eyes, GoSh I looked really scary, my hair is falling & I'm just so tired
time to chill & rest 


as far as for now, I'll start digging in this =p

p.s, a big thank you goes to all of those who asked abt me
LOVE YOU

I belong there

6 التعليقات






I made it
I'm there, just there, right where I belong
I'm at the right place & I surely love it
it feels so sweet, & I'm so happy

ell7emdellah =D

الْحَمْدُ لِلَّهِ حَمْدًا كَثِيرًاطَيِّبًا مُبَارَكًا فِيهِ


D E T A I L S

4 التعليقات


It's those tiny teeny details that everyone overlooks, it's those that make me fall for you everyday
it's all about the details..

I am ...

4 التعليقات

Me
I've wanted to post for so long now but I've been to lazy to do so, done with my exams, feeling good & satisfied with myself, yet worrying abt others quit a lot. Some times I wish I could just stop worrying abt everyone & everything, I wish nothing really mattered I think I would've been much happier
then. I hate the fact that I care abt everyone & everything, makes me so worried all the time. I try so hard to fix things, everything, this is me.. I fix things, unfortunately there R things that u can not fix nor change


Angry
This is stupid. totally stupid. The end of a year doesn't really mean a beginning of sth new, sth better.. it's just a continuation for what has already been started.. let's not lie to ourselves, life is life as it is, it won't change & if anything is to undergo change then it is us.


Surprised
when I at my lowest & was just about to fall. when I couldn't have felt any worse. when I felt like I was on the edge of a cliff, one step away from falling down, someone, out of the blue, tells me how much they admire my strength, that they wish they could be like me, emotionally strong.. this is so funny u know, the timing couldn't have been any better.. just reminded me of who I am, what I'm capable of & what is it that I can withstand

Some times I don't even know if I'm strong, some times I feel so weak, especially when I'm helpless.. GoSh I hate that feeling.. I'm the kind of ppl who love to control everything, who loves to keep things static just as they were & I hate changes I hate it, especially when these changes can not B by any mean controlled

so many ppl told me they think I'm cold, emotion wise I can be cold, this is actually good, really good, & very helpful in a plenty of situations. & No, I don't take it as an offense when they call me cold =p
I'm cold when I want 2 B cold, but those who know me well know what else beside cold can I be =p


Happy
 Good news ppl, Ian Thorpe, my fav swimmer, is planning a come back, YAY =]
I'm doing good these days, really good alf el7emdellah =] getting what I want, reaching out for my goals & dreams, I'm on the right track & it makes me so happy & very proud that my efforts R finally paying off =] Allah la y'3ayer 3lai InShallah

I'll B posting very soon InShalla, I have sth special in mind, so stay tuned =p


To my beloved one
I'm sorry for my love isn't enough, I'm sorry for I know my love will never be enough to make u happy, I'm sorry for my love can not heal your wounds nor relieve your pain. I promise you that my love will add no less that joy, happiness & pride to your life.

...


على الهامش:
و صرت انتظر أن يحين الوقت لكي أقول : "أزمة و عدت، الحمد لله"

كل عام و كويتنا بخير

6 التعليقات
Happy National Day everyone
الله يديم علينا الفرح و السعاده
و يحفظ ديرتنا من كل شر




A big THANK YOU goes out to everyone who participated in Desert Storm , we will forever be grateful.
the weather is just perfect, Allah ytamem 3laina, enjoy ur holiday ppl =]


Days I shall never forget

2 التعليقات
I, as a crazy sports fan, had a lot of great moments, as well as sad ones of course
it's just fascinating how I can remember each & every moment so percisly as if I'm living it right now.. when u love sth as much as I love sports, u'll have a bunch of amazing unforgettable memories that will stay for u for the rest of your life


Football wise, let me share with you these moments =]

one of my happiest moments was when we qualified to the 2nd round of World Cup 2006 qualifications, we needed one win & China was our opponent.. we player a great match & I'll never forget how hectic it was, how extatic the stadium was when BaShar Abdullah fell to the ground to put his head on the ball & push it to the net.. that was a goal that I'll never ever forget.. a goal to remember.. I remember I cried back then
&  surely won't forget that match that could've taken us to the World Cup finals 2006 in Germany, we were up 2-0 against Uzbekistan & some how things just flipped, all because of the Malaysian referee*if u manage to do a tiny lil research u'll come to the conclusion that Malaysian referees have through out history of our matches always been against us*, we ended up losing 3-2 in one crazy match, I remember Maxim Shatskikh*not sure abt the spelling of his name =S* scored one of their goals.. aaaaah yal.8ahar.. e7tarag galbi youmha... I remember mum was trying to comfort me telling me that the time will come, I said: "I don't want to wait till 2010 to see my team in the world cup finals ='[" Ironically, I'm gonna have to wait till 2014 =S
I hated how those south-east asian referees were never ever fair to us,, I remember each & everyone who was unfair to our team ,, I remember their faces each one of them.. I surely will never forgive them.. & don't tell me u gotta B objective & whatever, cuz I am.. I don't want a win that I did not earn.. I was what's right & what's fair.. & I didn't get that.. I can tell when there's manipulation whether for or against my team.. I surely can tell

one more crazy bit of info abt Hope =p
everytime our national anthem is played, wether on t.v or whatever.. I stand up with all of respect, lay my right hand on my chest & sing.. u think I'm crazy?? well U're not the 1st
what can I say, I'm devoted to my country & nation


I still very clearly remember the last time we played in Asian cup, that was back in 2004. The game against Jordan, I didn't wanna lose this one.. I remember every tiny teeny detail, 3aziz 3a6eya's commentary for ete7ad etha3at e.dwal el.3rabeya =p they scored few minutes b4 the end of the match & they killed me.. I rermber running away, hiding, sitting all alone & crying my heart out, I didn't want anyone 2 see me like this.. I was so hurt & disappointed. few minutes after the end of the match Dad was looking for me & I wasn't there, he freaked out & everyone was looking for me while I was hiding *so kiddo like* then I didn't want to freak him ou any more, I went to him & cried in his lap ='(




u know what else I shall never forget, pretty much every match we played against KSA, these were always special & will for ever be. Most of them were on Wednesdays, so it was great to watch them with my uncles, as my dad & cousins would always go watch it in the stadium every time it was in Kuwait. I'll never forget the one we lost 4-0 in KSA, it was on Friday, late at night & I had an English Final exam the very next day, I went to bed & cried my self to sleep =[ poor me I was so disappointed, I rememberer the post match interview with one of the Saudi players who said that we have a good team & we can beat South Korea & make it along with the Saudis..


mayB one day I'll post some pics from my diary, all abt matches, all supporting the team =p
I remember everyday our national team had a match me & 3waSh would write all in blue, & we would have thouse encouraging words in our personal msg in msn, sth like: "الازرق لا يملك اوراقا تبعثرها لارياح، و لكن امواجا تزيدها الرياح قوة"


btw, guess who's my fav Arabic commentator =p
I don't like arabic commentry much, but I love 39am e.Shwali's commentry, he's so funny & amazing, feels like I'm listening to t3beer 3rabi when I hear him, he sings songs, say the phrase in different languages.. just amazing.. & he's got amazing info abt everything, a man with a great amount of knowledge, a man who knows something abt everything =]






A corner kick:

Qatar, 2022
You, Me, & Fifa World Cup.
it's a date then =D