Hope's Land

Pics & a lot more

2012-01-26T00:56:00.000+03:00

Hello ppl =]

seems like 2012 is gonna B all abt fighting my way through

I've become so lazy lately, unbelievably LAZY, I just wanna sleep, sleep & sleep

Oh how I love sleep, if sleep was a man I would marry him lol .. wallah it's the only thing that I enjoy doing these days

I've been thinking lately & I realized I've stopped doin' the things I love, I haven't backed a cake since the summer, I want to but I don't have enough time & when I have the time I either sleep or waste it thinking of what cake should I bake =s

I haven't been able 2 watch proper tennis in the past year, I nearly cried when I finally got 2 watch a whole match a few days ago, the good thing is I still am the same, my heart beats fast when I see my boys, when they're defending a break point or losing their service game.. my heart still flutters when they win & I have that amazing feeling of joy that takes over once I hear "Game, Set, & Match Roddick" or Rafa or Williams

Further more, I still am a GobeSsa lol.. I still jinx my players, this thing has happened so many times.. I finally finish my exams, watch my players match in a Grand Slam Championship especially Roddick,, & they either lose in the most unexpected way or tumble, hurt themselves & are forced 2 retire.. End result = Heart break & heartache =[

haven't been studying as well as I should, I keep on postponing things, I need some1 2 slap me, scream at me.. I gotta study, I can't screw up, I can't afford another set back,, Not Acceptable

I miss the times I used 2 write posts with lots of PiCs, so this one will have a lot of Pics =]

I was cleaning my room that other day & I found this lol

this goes back to the summer holiday, not sure last summer or the one b4 that

just look at this, it's hilarious

aham shay "Buy Samboosa" lol 7g RamaDan

Got my 2012 agenda 15 days late

I'm keeping some ppl away cuz I don't want 2 get hurt

I don't wanna write my diaries & complain & nag,, I don't want 2 write abt you in my diaries

Yes, I made this =]

One of my fav hobbies is grocery shopping, it's such a joy

my old school

didn't step a foot there since I graduated

I'm sure it looks very different from the inside now, I know it's different from the outside

....

دعاء

اللهم احرسني و عائلتي ﻣن عين نظرت إلينا ولم تذكرك فأنت خير الحافظين ♥

2012.. Week 1

2012-01-05T17:13:00.000+03:00

2012.. Week 1 was Good =]

I spent new year's eve with my beloved ones, wiShed all my dear ones a Happy New Year right @ 12:00. I had the privilege to not only choose the Cake, but also cut it =p & I went to bed very very late that night. Day 1 was weird, it was a bit boring, but the rest of the week was nice.. Got my family flowers & then woke up one day to find flowers waiting 4 me =D that was AMAZING, it made my day..

The funny thing is that a couple of days b4 the end of the year I was wondering should I send the flowers to my grandma & aunties so they'll be the 1st thing they see in the morning & that would be super sweet =] but then when I thought abt it again I realized that I don't want them to wake up on the sound of the door bell, that wouldn't be nice, So I decided to take it to them on my own & they loved it... & then I was the one 2 B surprised by beautiful flowers in the morning =] el7emdellah

& I'm planning a Birthday Celebration 4 my Uncle 2day =D Happy B-Day Sweetheart.. Ya 3sa 3omrek 6weel

I'm trying to B strong & stick to my resolutions, & trust me it's difficult.. very difficult

PiCs

Here are a couple of words that I read somewhere & I loved, Unfortunately I dunno who the author is =s

الذين تراهم أشد صلابة يكونون أشد حاجة إلى الاحتواء العاطفي فهم لاينالون كفايتهم من العاطفة لأن كل من حولهم يظن أنهم بخير !

و نشتاق لجنة لم نبصرها يوماً

Good Bye 2011, Hello 2012

2012-01-01T00:48:00.002+03:00

It's a new year =] a brand new year, a new start, this feels good. I love new beginnings. Hopefully the end of all the ugliness lol & the start of a promising year.

I've made a few new years resolutions, for last year was ugly & I gotta learn my lesson. I've struggled a lil bit on the personal level in 2011. Actually I think I never cried in my liFe as much as I cried in 2011, & I happen to be a crier. So, this sums it up. 2011 wasn't good 2 me =[ I worked hard & everything was going my way & then boom! the end wasn't the way I wanted it to be, I said "Game Over" to some so called friends, found out that I was better off with out them. I got hurt, I was used & exploited. Some times this sentence "Being used & exploited" sounds like the story of my life. I gotta do sth abt this, I'm not gonna let this happen again.

& got hurt for the millionth time just 2wards the end of the year.. trra 4giving what U did was never an easy task, & forgiveness doesn't mean I'm weak, it's not a weak point, it means I'm a better person & I'll keep on doing it even when I say I won't 4give you.. I'll forgive you & I'll be out of your life =]

I'm grateful 4 having my family & my loved ones around me, I'm thankful for being able 2 spend new year's eve with my grandma & Uncles & Aunts. I'm Grateful for I have a strong Grandpa who's not gonna give up. I'm grateful 4 whole lotta things =] el7emDellah

New Years Resolutions:

1- Make daddy proud.

2- Satisfy my self.

3- Achieve that THING.

4- Turn on the Nerd mood =p

5- Learn how to say NO.

6- Keep ppl away.

7- Spend the summer away, far away.

8- Kicking some ppl out of my life & mind for good.

9- Try 2 eat healthier food.

10- Try to exercise.

11- I'll B [ME], won't change 4 nobody =]
12- Learn how 2 drive. Again!

The rest I'll keep 4 mySelf =p

Enough Talking, Happy New Year Everyone

2012, You better B Good =p

....

اللهم هذه سنة جديدة مقبلة علينا وأنت مالك الملك نسألك خيرها وخير مافيها,ونعوذ بك من شرها و شر مافيها

اللهم وفقنا لما تحب و ترضى و احفظنا و اكتب لنا الخير في امورنا كلها

اللهم احفظ لي اهلي و احبابي، و ابعد عنا الشر كله
اللهم اني اعوذ بك من عين العائنين و سحر الساحرين و مكر الماكرين و كيد الشياطين.. اللهم احفظني و من احب بعينك التي لا تنام

اللهم اشفِ مرضانا و مرضى المسلمين و ارحم موتانا و موتى المسلمين و اجمعنا بهم في الفردوس الاعلى

و بالعربي غير

2011-12-09T14:39:00.000+03:00

I've written this a long time ago, early in the summer, probably in July & I've been hesitant on whether 2 publish it or not . Now I've made up my mind & I'm gonna press the publish button, I know my Arabic is not so good but I've gotta try 2 improve it & this is only a small tiny step 2wards making it better.

Plz don't B shy to share you comments. Constructive criticism will B very much appreciated =]

...

مازلت هنا.. مازلت متماسكة
و ذلك لأنني و فقط لأنني مؤمنه..

مؤمنه بأنه في هذا الكون و على هذا الكوكب على وجه التحديد، في مكان ما يتواجد نصفي الآخر
شخص صرخ صرخته الأولى في هذه الدنيا معي..
شخص لا ينزعج من صوتي الرنان الذي يعلن وصولي في اي بقعه احط قدماي فيها
هناك... في مكان بعيد.. ربما في النصف الآخر من الكرة الأرضيه إنسان..
إنسان لامست يداه ذرات التراب ذاتها تلك التي مشيت عليها على الشاطئ ذلك اليوم.. و سافرت جزيئات الاوكسجين أميال و أميال ليستنشق الهواء ذاته الذي استنشقته و بالتركيز ذاته

أنا أؤمن بأن هنالك شخص ما شعر بوخزه في قلبه لسبب يجهله يوم وقعت و جرحت ركبتي للمره الأولى
شخص يحب الشوكولا بقدر ما أحب، يرى العالم كما اراه في عيني الصغيرتين، يؤمن بما اؤمن و يحلم مثلما احلم كل ليلة

شخص يؤمن بوجودي و يكافح في هذه الحياة على أمل ان يلقاني يوماً

شخص مجنون مثلي تماماً، و لا يمانع كوني طفلة أنانية تريد كل شي لها وحدها

و شخص يحبني قوية.. و يسايرني حين افرض سيطرتي على اكبر الامور و اصغرها و لا يخجل من التنازل عن القيادة لي

يحب الطماطم و التفاح الأحمر الأمريكي، يشاطرني جنوني و هوسي بالشوكولا و يستيقظ كل صباح ليشرب الحليب الدافئ مثلي تماماً
شخص لا يمانع دخول المطبخ معي، لنخبر كعكتنا معاً و هو مثلي يعشق تلك المستديره المجنونة التي أسرتني منذ الصغر ولا زالت تفرض سيطرتها على عالمي

أنا اؤمن بأن الصدفة، تلك التي يقولون عنها بأنها خير من الف ميعاد، ستجمعنا يوماً و في لحظه سحرية يصطدم عالمينا فيندمجان للأبد ليكونا واحداً

لهذا السبب و لهذا فقط ما زلت هنا، مازلت اكافح، و أقف المره تلو الأخرى

لهذا لا يهمني كم مره اسقط... لأنني سأقف على رجلي و سأكون أقوى كل مره... و سأستمر بالمحاولة

لان شخصي هذا الذي اخبرتكم عنه للتو يقوم بتلك الامور ذاتها كل يوم، و يكافح من اجلى

فلمَ ابخل عليه بقليل من الصبر و الكفاح؟

شخصي بالذات يستحق الأفضل، و ما خلته صدفة تجمعنا ستكون قدراً

Thank You

2011-12-02T21:13:00.001+03:00

A Big Huge THank You Goes out to my Lovely Freinds & Amazing Family

Allah y5aleekom li wala ya7remni menkom my sweethearts

My lovely friends managed to surprise me not only OnCe, but TWICE... Yes, twice, 4 my B-Day

So in total I got to celebrate my B-Day 3 times this year =]

That was so sweet of 'em.. really heart warming

I love you guys

I knew they were planning sth, I felt a bit suspicious but I didn't c this coming O_o The only thing I managed to do was smile lol I smiled so bad my cheeks hurt

& 2day.. 1 week after my B-Day they surprised me AGAIN =]

I was really surprised this time.. took some time to grasp it lol, I was a lil bit slow.. I love surprises, thank U everyone, U made this B-Day a very special one, thanks 4 the gifts, the cakes & 4 drawing a smile on my face, I really appreciate it!!

I love the fact that U guys do listen, U do know what I love, U simply know me & this is just gr8 =D

Thank you everyone

My family & My friends "I Love You"

May this B a wonderful year for All of us

Tell you a lil secret =p I blew the candles 3 times but I haven't made a single WiSh, 4 I have way too many wiShes =$ May all of them come true

...

PiCs

Those are 21 BLUE candle 4 me

Pasta for the B-Day Gal =D

& they SURPRISED me..

e5tra3t lol

...

Dear Some one,

"Happy Birthday" I wish I heard it from you.. it would've made me much happier =]

You probably 4got, You were probably busy.. it's o.k

It's My Birthday

2011-11-26T00:20:00.000+03:00

Yes!! It's MY BIRTHDAY =]

I can't believe I'm 21 already!! I used to be 12 years old not so long ago

Happy Birthday to me =D

Allah yj3lha senat 5air 3lai o yarzegni feeha mthl ma temnait o akthar

Getting older & older isn't cute or nice =p it comes with a huge load of responsibility & lots 'n lots of expectations, bs hopefully I'm up to it =]

So, the plan is I'm gonna go out 'n have fun ;) celebrate with my cousin & try to create some good memories

Change

2011-09-30T18:03:00.001+03:00

Hey there!!

I survived that wedding I told you abt !! Yaaaaaaaay =D now I need a few months of rest to recover lol. I think I 4got how exhausting preparing for a wedding is, especially if it's a close relative's wedding.

& I'm back to school. it SuCks BIG TIME!!

I'm not comfortable, sth has changes, the thing is I dunno what that thing is, things don't feel right, sth is different, I dunno is it the fact that very soon I will finally be studying the thing I choose to study? or is it sth else? mmm, I dunno what it is, bs I definitely sense a change... & jate changes, I love this 2 stay the way they are, bs can help do a thing.. Life is all abt changes

So, the weather is getting better, I can finally enjoy seeing some clouds in the sky =] just looking at a sky full of clouds in an early morning makes me HAPPY =]

Sth I never saw coming seems 2 B happening. I never thought I'd find myself in such a situation, but currently, I'm just trying to learn a lesson, trying to do the right thing..

Back in 2005, January to be specific, Croatia lost their top spot to Spain in the Handball World Cup & that was a BIG surprise for everyone, I was so sad, you know me, I'm such a bad loser & I hate it when my team loses, especially when the loss comes unexpected.

But that day, I learned a lesson, I was ever surprised to see Vlado Šola, their Croatian team captin & goalkeeper & 1 of my fav handball players, celebrate his silver medal, he was all smiling, laughing , celebrating, & taking pics, totally enjoying the ceremony, as if he was the winner, & the guy just lost his #1 position.. Man!! What a spirit!!

So the lesson is, Enjoy ur life, the good & the bad, meaning make a good memory out of a bad one, don't let space in your life for bad memories for they will bring you no good, look at the full half of the glass, live positive =]

Celebrate ur success no matter how tiny it is, no matter how little ppl think of it.. it's ur success, it's ur achievement to celebrate..

I know some ppl will always underestimate ur achievement, will always be little you & are always ready to splash salt right on ur fresh wound.. the only solution 4 those is ignoring them, act as if they don't exist, they don't deserve your attention.

...

I'm so sick of ppl trying to change me =[

Everyone around me is trying to change sth abt me.. like I'll B much more suitable when they change me!! I'm not a doll. I'm not gonna change. If I don't want 2 change then I NEVER will.

I'll never change those little things in me, those thing u guys find annoying.. FYI some ppl love me for these things, those little things make me ME & I'm not willling to change a tiny teeny bit in me 4 ppl, I'm not willing 2 change just to please ppl. Pleasing ppl & getting their approval isn't on top of my priorities.

You just need to understand that some things never change, I'm Hope & not that person you want me 2 B.

B it me writing with a pencil or being a nerd,, I'm not gonna change for your sake.

Bottom Line: "I am what I am, not what ppl want me 2 B"

2 those who love me 4 who I am & wouldn't change a bit in me: I LOVE U

...

I have 2 admit that I have this habit of wanting everything to B perfect, trying to fix everything & everyone, & I've been told a million time that some things can not B fixed & some ppl are not worth the effort,, bs I just can't give up, I can't seem to stop worrying abt fixing every little thing & making everything right.

I gotta try, at least try every now & then.. you never know, these efforts may eventually pay off
Giving up isn't a quality of a champ, so I shall try & try & try

...

همسه ~~

Me retenait les mains

انت بس

2011-09-11T19:45:00.000+03:00

"انا مو مرتاح.. انا مو مرتاح.. والله انا مو مرتاح"

انا ادري انك طول هالمده مو مرتاح، ولا انا مرتاحه
بس لما قلتها و سمعتها منك انكسرت
انكسر قلبي.. تمنيت كل هالتعب فيني ولا فيك
آه لو تدري!! ابيع الدنيا باللي فيها و اشتريك.. انت بس

اللهم اشرح صدره.. اللهم اشرح صدره

!! Help Needed Over Here

2011-09-04T03:00:00.000+03:00

Dear Followers,

Remember my famous chocolate cheese cake that I showed you guys in a couple of posts here & here ?

well, Eb6ainiya Blog announced that they're holding a Ramadan Recipe contest & I decided to participate with this recipe, you can find my recipe here. If You happen to like it =p plz vote for me over here. It's # 30, the last on the list =]

Now I'm gonna post the recipe & the pics again for those who're too lazy to open all these links =p

it's all in Arabic, bs if some1 wants me to post it in English, don't be shy to ask =] I'll be glad to do that

المكونات:

علبه و ربع بسكوت Digestive

نص قالب زبده

1 كوب طحين

1/2 كوب سكر

3 بيضات

1/2 كوب ككاو بودر nesquik او Hershey’s

1 علبة جبنة فيلادلفيا لايت

4 قطع جبنة كيري

1 ظرف dream whip + 1/4 كوب ماء

1/2 علبة قيمر KDD

5 آرو

1/2 كيس Hershey’s milk chocolate chips

1/4 علبة كريمة KDD

الخطوات:

• نكسر بسكوت Digestive بالمطحنة، نذوب الزبدة بالمقلاة و نضيفها للبسكوت و نخلطهم عدل

• نحط البسكوت بقالب الـcheese cake و نحطه بالفرن من 5 الى 10 دقايق

• نطلع القالب و نخلي البسكوت يبرد على ما نجهز الخليط

• نخلط الـdream whip مع 1/4 كوب ماء بالخلاط الكهربائي بسرعة متوسطه

• نضيف الطحين تدريجيا، ثم نضيف البيض

• بعد ما تنخلط المكونات السابقة عدل، نضيف لهم الككاو بودر بالتدريج

• نضيف جبنه كيري بعد ما نقطعها قطع صغار و بعدين نضيف جبنه فيلادلفيا و السكر

• نخلي الخليط لما يتجانس، و نكسر الآرو و نضيف عليه القيمر بإناء منفصل و نسويله حمام مائي و ممكن نذوبه بالمايكروويف لمدة 40 ثانيه، بعدين نخلط الارو مع القيمر يدوياً لما يتجانس و يكون كل الككاو ذايب

• نضيف خليط القيمر و الآرو بالخلاط

• بعد ما ينخلط كل شي و يتكون عندنا خليط متجانس، نصبه بقالب الـ cheese cake و ندخل القالب الفرن بحمام مائي

• يفضل تلفون القالب بقصدير من تحت و هم من فوق على شان لا يتسرب له ماء و يخرب طبقة البسكوت، و لازم نسوي فتحات بالقصدير إذا غطينا القالب من فوق

• نخلي الكيكة بالفرن لمدة ساعة إلى ساعة و ربع، بعدين نطفي الفرن بس ما نفتحه و نخلي فيه الكيكة نص ساعة اضافيه

• لما نطلع الكيكة ننطر عليها لما تبرد، و نجهز الطبقة الأخيرة اللي اهيا ككاو هيرشيز، و نضيف عليه شويه كريمة، ربع او اقل من ربع العلبه، على حسب شكثر تبون الطبقة الاخيره تكون مركزة

• نخلط الككاو و الكريمه و نحطهم بالمايكروويف 40 ثانيه، نخلطهم بعدين يدويا عدل و نصب الخليط فوق الكيكة و بعدين ندخلها بالثلاجة و ممكن اللي يحب يزين الكيكة بالفليك، عاد كل واحد يتفنن بطريقه التزيين

ممكن تؤكل الكيكة باردة عند التقديم و ممكن للي يحب يسخن قطعته بالمايكروويف 10 ثواني و بتشوفون ان طبقة الككاو اللي فوق ساحت و غطت كل الكيكة و صار شكلها يشـــــــــــوق

Thaaaaaaaaaaanx guys =D

عيدكم مبارك ,,,

2011-08-31T15:28:00.000+03:00

السلام عليكم و رحمه الله و بركاته

عيدكم مبارك و كل عام و انتو بخير

تقبل الله طاعتكم و عساكم من عواده

...

I'll be posting abt Eid like I always do very soon InShallah

I'm just so busy preparing for this wedding coming up, I've got tons of things to do & I hope I don't forget any lol

Let's make this Eid a very special one guys. Forgive, Love, & have lots of fun =]

Whatever happened has happened, it's in the PAST now, so forget abt it & try to forgive

Enjoy your Eid everyone

Anything & Everything

2011-08-20T02:47:00.000+03:00

Hey there =D

Hope everyone is enjoying Ramadan! time is going by so quickly, I don't want the holiday to come to an end =[

So, this post is gonna be about anything & everything, a mixed up one

I've got a lot of things to do, a lot & no time at all, I've wanted to bake a cake for ages now but I can't cuz the fridge is stuffed with all kinds of desserts, abi asawi caaaaaake!!

That other day I went to the super market o guess sheno legait?

my fav chewing gum when I was in KG

& my fav Biscuit

Ayaaaaam, Dad used to take me to the supermarket to buy chocolates, gum, & candy everyday either b4 or after KG =]

now back to present time ;p

I got it & I'm over the moon, the best 9o'3a of the year, no no, the best 9o'3a ever

...

Fellow blogger Danderma did a tag a few days ago & I miss doing tags, so I decided I wanna do it & I did

a chance for you guys to get to know me better =p

– Available: Yes

– Age: 20

– Animals: I hate them

– Beer: Eww

– Birthday: November, 26th

– Best friends: 2 or 3

– Body Part on opposite sex: Eyes, lips, chest, arms, cheek bones & rule #1 is NO KARSHA =p

– Best feeling in the world: Achieving my goals & seeing how proud & happy my Dad is =]

– Best weather: Cold & rainy

– Been in Love: NO

– Been on stage: Yes

– Believe in Magic: Yes

– Believe in Santa: Nah

– Brand: Back Street Boys

– Candy: It's o.k

– Color: BLUE

– Chocolate/Vanilla: Chocolate all the time

– Chinese/Indian/Italian: Italian

- Cake or pie: Cake

– Cheese: YES

– Day or Night: Day

– Dancing in the rain: NO DANCING FOR ME =p

– Eyes: Dark brown I guess =S

– Ever failed a class?: Never, el7emdella!

– Enemies: Unfortunately many jealous ones!

– Exercise: Used to =[

– First thoughts waking up: Let's go say hi to Dad

– Food: PASTA

– Greatest Fear: Loss

– Goals: A lot of them

– Get along with your parents: Yes, el7emdella =]

– Hair Color: Black

– Happy: Yes, el7emdella

– Holiday: LOVE IT!

– Ice Cream: BR Chocolate Mousse Royale

– Jewelry: Earings

– Job: Student =p

– Kids: Dunno, maybe sometime in the future

– Kickboxing or karate: Kickboxing

– Keep a journal?: Yes

– Love: Means family

– Laughed so hard you cried: Long time ago I guess

- Milk flavor: Chocolate

– Movies: Comedy

– Motion sickness: No, el7emdella

– McD’s or BK: None, I don't eat fast food =]

– Number: 11

– One wish: Never lose in anything, never lose anyone

– Perfect Pizza: Papa Johns pepperoni & cheese

– Pepsi/Coke: None, I don't drink fuzzy drinks =]

– Perfume/Cologne: Delicious feeling, Emotion

– Quail: what's that? a bird?

– Reason to cry: Loss, disrespect, injustice, being helpless

– Reality T.V: The biggest loser

– Radio Station: Not a radio person

– Song: Out of The Blue

– Shoe size: 37

– Salad Dressing: Caesar

– Skinny dip: o_O A big NO NO

– Strawberries/Blueberries: None

– Sport: Football & Tennis

– Tattoos?: None

– Thunderstorms: Love the sound of it

– Unpredictable: kinda!

– Vacation spot(s): Dubai & The States

– Weakness: Dad

– Who makes you laugh the most: 3waSha

– Worst Weather?: Hot summer

– X-Rays: Hate 'em, they're bad =p

-Year it is now: 2011

-Yellow: not my color

– Zoo animal: Lion

....

Dear You,

I hate seeing you like this, I never thought I would see you like this =[ it breaks my heart to see you lying in that bed, I want you back home, I need you, I wanna talk to you

I promise, once U're home I'll do all of the tricks you want me to do. I'll answer all of your questions correctly, even the hard ones, I'll play games on you like I used to.. just come back =[

U're STRONG, U've always been, Don't give up on me now

I LOVE YOU

اللَّهُمَّ اشْفِ مَرْضانا وَمَرْضَى الْمُسْلِمِينَ

ما راح ننسى 2/8/1990

2011-08-02T14:23:00.000+03:00

السلام عليكم و رحمه الله و بركاته

مع لوية رمضان الكل لاهي ، و البعض للأسف نسى اليوم شنو؟

اليوم ذكرى 21 على الغزو العراقي الغاشم على دولة الكويت

استغرب من الناس تطلب منا ان ننسى و نسامح!! شلون ننسى؟

في ام تنسى ولدها اللي عدموه جدامها؟ في ابو ينسى بنته اللي عذبوها و قتلوها؟

ننسى شنو ولا شنو؟ و نسامح على شنو ولا شنو؟

لو العالم بكبره ينسى احنا ما ننسى!! ما ننسى دمعة بابا جابر، بجى على ديرته جدام العالم كله

يمكن في ناس وايد طيبين و عندهم القدره على انهم يسامحون، بس انا لي هاليوم ماني قادره

مو متخيله احد يسامح اللي طعنه بظهره، و غدر فيه، رد الحسان بالاساءة و عض الايد اللي ياما و ياما انمدت له

اقول حق كل اللي غدر فينا و كل اللي تشمت، والله ان ما ننسى

والله ان البعض تستغرب منهم، يا اخي خل العروبه و الجيره على جنب، وين الانسانيه؟؟

بالغزو بين منو اللي يحب الكويت و منو المنافقين الحاقدين، انتو يمكن في يوم تنسون بس اللي انطعن بظهره عمره ما ينسى

شهدائنا الأبرار عسى الله يرحمكم لن ننساكم يا أبطال الكويت ..

كل من ساهم في تحرير الكويت، كل من دافع عن قضية الكويت في الأزمه، شكرا لكم من القلب!!

الله يحفظ الكويت واهلها من كل مكرووه ..

...

it has been 21 years since the Iraqi invasion to Kuwait, & we will never forget

I was born during that time, & I can forget all those stories that grandma, grandpa, uncles & aunts told me

I've read a lot abt the invasion, I have so many books abt it, books abt our martyr, about the battle & it just HURTS

it breaks my heart =[ what kind of heartless ppl would do that?

if you would only see the pics, they're awful

For those who call this a Saddami act I say, No it's not, Iraqis did have a choice in this. They totally did, they choose by their own will to torture our ppl, to kill the old, the young & the youth

they sabotaged everything with their hands, they raped, they killed, they tortured & it was all by their own will

I don't think I'll ever find a way in my heart to 4give 'em, I truly don't

Forgiveness is a fine noble act, but I don't think I'm that good to forgive the ones who back-stabbed us, not yet, maybe I never will

On behalf of every Kuwaiti, on behalf of every loyal soul, I thank everyone who helped us, who stood with us, who fought for our cause

I wanna thank everyone who prayed for us during those awful 7 months, & for those who helped us regain our land, our country, I take off my hat

Thank you, we will forever B grateful

Our brave martyr, may you rest in peace

...

plz visit this web site: The Evidence

it's full of pictures after the invasion, an evidence of the destruction

an evidence of their act

لـعـلـه آخـر رمـضـآن...

2011-07-31T23:55:00.000+03:00

مبارك عليكم الشهر و عساكم من عواده

ربِ ادخل شهر رمضان علينا وانت راضٍ عنا واجعله شهر تتبدل فيه ذنوبنا الى حسنات وهمومنا الى افراح واحلامنا الى واقع ورضـاك عنا اكبر آمالنا

PinkiYa's B-Day

2011-07-28T23:17:00.002+03:00

On saturday we celebrated the birthday of our beloved PinkiYa, we really had fun & enjoyed our time
lunch, movie, & then the celebration =]

PinkiYa, I love you sweetie, Allah y5aleech li wala ya7remni mnech

I'll leave U with Pics =p

lunch in Fridays

I like the decoration
this guy is smiling for the Pic wala ana yethya2li?

You want B-Day girl opinion? You got it

@ chocolate bar

Happy B-Day Pinkya =*

Ambaih

2011-07-19T19:35:00.003+03:00

I've been so eager to bake sth lately, so yesterday I decided I'll bake a chocolate cheese cake, so more than abt half way through I felt a bit tired, never had this feeling b4, then my head was spinning, I sat 4 a while, took a sip of water hoping everything will go back to normal.. Then I nearly fainted.. looked as yellow as a lemon, & my BP was 82/55.. Ambaaaaaaih 55 diastolic, I can't believe it, I've compromised my heart, my poor lil heart =[ stupid me all bcuz I don't eat enough, Bro wanted to take me to hospital but I refused, so mum forced me to eat & eat & eat then everything went back to normal el7emdella

So, I'm gonna eat, & eat & eat even if I don't feel like it

I've also started taking Omega 3 again, cuz last time I took them everything was fine, so I want things 2 B FINE =p I'm nearly done reading the book, 200 pages or less left & I don't recommend it & I won't lend it to any friend lol, not that it's not good, but OMG!! it has so much x-rated stuff, I was abt to stop reading it when I realized I'm more than half way through it, so decided I would finish reading it & skip the parts that R supposed to B censored

off the subject, I've got a wedding this 3eed, a7es weird, I don't want to spend my 3eed in the beauty salon, wai3.. grooming & getting ready just to look good enough to please ppl =S
I can't skip this one, I don't have a good excuse & it's my cousin's so really can't skip, gotta go =[ I'll try to be a lady, bs wallah if I hear any stupid comment it might be the last wedding I attend, don't you guys hate the sorta comments when this lady who happens to know your mum & aunties come over to say hi & then showers you with a million kiss *waaai3* & then she goes like "Bentech?" & when your mum says Yes she goes like "Wallah 5osh entaj" & does the thumbs up sign & winks... Ambaaaaih o_O trra I'm a human being, y3ni this is supposed to be a compliment mathalan?? I felt pretty much like go6i pepsi..
PPL don't compliment me, o.k? I don't take compliments.

Planning PinkiYa's B-Day this weekend, should be lotsa fun, I love this girl, she's such a sweetheart, one of a kind.. Allah y5aleeha li, I can tell her everything & she'll listen & listen.. Gosh I love her

Now that I'm done talking let me show you a glimpse of my cake.. Frankly, 1st I thought it must be a total failure as I was very dizzy when I made it, ironically, it turned out to be better than the ones I've backed when I was all sound & fine lol

tshaweg mo?
who wants a piece?

these are supposed to keep me strong =]

....

btw, do you guys like the new layout?

Recovery plan

2011-07-10T12:20:00.003+03:00

Yes, I'm recovering believe it or not

I feel better, I'm putting it all behind my back, there's not much I can do abt it right now. So, I choose to 4get all abt it, start fresh. I managed to "shut up" that sound at the back of my head that kept on telling me that I simply wasn't good enough. I'm MORE than good, I'm great, one of a kind & nothing will take me down. I've just lost a battle & I've got a war to win =D
I'm not sad anymore, yes I didn't get what I want, but this means that Allah has got a better plan 4 me, mayB sth bigger, sth better
إِنَّ مَعَ الْعُسْرِ يُسْراً

I'm still trying to avoid ppl, I'm not letting others know that this is the plan but somehow Dad seems to read my mind very very well, he' goes like "let's go out, don't you wanna go out, go out see ppl, don't lock ur self up" every 5 minutes =s I don't want to c ppl I don't.. I'm not a ppl person I've never been & now I'm growing to stay away form them. To please Dad & convince him that I'm o.k I started going out, a LOT. I don't want him to worry abt me when I'm totally fine & adjusting, I want him to let the worrying 4 me =p it's my thing, my job =]

I have lots of books to read, currently reading "This Charming Man" it's good, not so very good like I would get hooked up on it & never wanna stop reading it, but it's good, has some x-rated pages which I hated, skipped 'em other than that it's all good. So, now that've cancelled everything I've planned 4 the summer, I'm trying to set up a new plan, I think I wanna join a gym, I need to build up my body, put on some weight mayB. Gonna get a new hair cut, going for the extreme this time =D

lots of bloggers have stopped blogging others moved to new blogs, & some started fresh with a new blog & R trying to stay anonymous. Tell you a secret =p I myself thought of having a new blog, where I'll rant & rant & B anonymous, but then when I thought abt it, I thought it wasn't a good idea, I can't abandon my blog, I love it way too much & even if I had a new blog then those who know me WILL know me, I am the same person after all, so I decided not to precede with that. Part of the reason that made me think abt that was the fact that my friends know abt my blog, they know it's me, & I don't want to have them sorry abt me every time I write one of those dark depressing posts, I sometimes think they wouldn't approve of what I would say abt sth & I can't handle their reaction, But now I don't care, I really don't I'm sick of talking the way ppl want me 2 talk, doing things just to please them, this is my blog & I'll say everything I wanna say they way I wanna say it & if they don't like it then it's their problem

PiCs, PiCs, & more PiCs =p

done with this

Bunch of books to read =]

currently reading

BIG FAT LIAR

2011-07-01T01:19:00.004+03:00

I've tried posting so bad, everyday I write a few words & then I find myself out of words ='[ so apart me for this post, maybe a lil bit not like me, jumping from one thing to another, but it's just bcuz I simply am not fine ='[

BIG FAT LIAR

Yes, that's ME. I confess I'm a big fat liar. Because every time some1 asks "How are you" I LIE. I say I'm great, all good but this is not the truth. I lie, I'm not good, & everything isn't perfect. I've been under enormous amount of stress lately, nobody knows, I can just draw a big fake smile, wear some khel & everything would look just perfect & I say I'm fine, only I'm not, some how I managed the pressure & all that stress, I was handling it well, some things were good, they were RIGHT, other's were totally off, but at the end it all went wrong in a totally unbelievable way

I'm aaaaaaaaaaah , I'm...... I'm in pain

I'm suffering & I know, I juts know deep in my heart that nobody knows how it feels, this ugly painful feeling. I believe that nobody will ever understand, nobody. It's just awful, it feels like my heart, that lil muscular organ that's supposed to be the secret of my life, is burning, & it HURTS so bad

Life is hitting me, hitting me hard =[ I'm still fighting & what I hate the most is those fears of mine, the things I fear keep on happening one thing after another & it's just breaking my heart.. life is just not fair to me, just not fair.. I've been through a lot lately, so very tough time, lots of stress & I was holding on, handeling it well, but then one thing on top of the other & I just can't can't take it.. not when it comes to these things

Dad is trying his best to let my mind off this thing but I just can't I told him u know more than anyone who I am & what I'm like & when it comes to this then things are out of my control & the river of tears just flows & I can't stop crying I just can't.. I can't not cry, especially when I feel like this.. I'll do the thing I've always done since I was a child, I'll look at him with tearful eyes, so speechless, with my trembling lips & I'll cry my heart out once you say what's wrong? he'll keep on asking what's wrong what's wrong, & I wanna scream it out, but I only can't, cuz when I cry I can't barely breath, I suffocate & I can't speak ='[

I played tricks on Dad, made him go & then cried my heart out, but he knew, he knew & I couldn't hide it, he saw it in my eyes, the pain, the bitter sorrow

usually, I blame myself, I'm always so harsh on myself & now I hate it I just hate it & 4 the 1st time in my life I've got nothing to blame myself 4 ='[ It's usually the guilt that kills me, but this time I wonder what am I guilty of? Being such a good person? working hard? deserving it? wanting it so bad?

I know, I KNOW I am a good person & I don't deserve all these things to happen to me, I really don't.. this hurts even more than when it'a all my fault, if it's my fault then I can take it, bs this I can't, I deserve better.

I needed to talk to some1, some1 who wouldn't judge me & I did.. felt much better, but still there's this sadness, I'm sad, I'm not so angry, I'm just sad & I don't think I can recover from this ='[

I'm mentally, emotionally, & physically tried. Every part of my body clicks, my hair is falling, no volume anymore, ppl telling me you look so thin, & although I looked @ myself in the mirror everyday, I only noticed how scary I now look, just did a week ago... Do u know what I said back then? "I hope it's all worth it" & now I dunno if it was ='[ at one crazy moment I thought Y not give up? I could very easily do that, but I can't, won't.. I'm not a loser I'm not a quitter, I'll stay undefeated, nothing will take me down, I've got a soul of a fighter & I'll get what I want, I WILL.. Not giving up anytime soon

now I'm hating everything, I don't want to be around ppl, they keep on hurting me. Cancelling everything I had planned 4 the summer, I wanna re-evaluate the situation, re-evaluate everything, try 2 c the big pic, try to find out what's wrong

I'm fighting this, I'm fighting it with all that I am & now one will break my spirit, nobody

I have faith that things will get better, I'll pray for things to get better & I've never asked Allah & got turned down, I have faith in Allah

I shall stay strong, I shall stay strong

& one more thing at the end of this long post

الحمد لله ، الف الحمد لله على كل حال

FREE

2011-06-22T23:08:00.001+03:00

I'm free

Yes, I am =]

el7emdella, my summer has finally started

I have lots & lots of things to say, I need some time to rest, just a couple of days

I never thought stress would affect me like this! this past month was a tough one & just 2day when I looked at myself in the mirror I noticed those black circles under my eyes, GoSh I looked really scary, my hair is falling & I'm just so tired

time to chill & rest

as far as for now, I'll start digging in this =p

p.s, a big thank you goes to all of those who asked abt me
LOVE YOU

I belong there

2011-04-17T20:03:00.001+03:00

I made it

I'm there, just there, right where I belong

I'm at the right place & I surely love it

it feels so sweet, & I'm so happy

ell7emdellah =D

الْحَمْدُ لِلَّهِ حَمْدًا كَثِيرًاطَيِّبًا مُبَارَكًا فِيهِ

D E T A I L S

2011-03-17T15:31:00.004+03:00

It's those tiny teeny details that everyone overlooks, it's those that make me fall for you everyday

it's all about the details..

I am ...

2011-03-03T15:14:00.002+03:00

I've wanted to post for so long now but I've been to lazy to do so, done with my exams, feeling good & satisfied with myself, yet worrying abt others quit a lot. Some times I wish I could just stop worrying abt everyone & everything, I wish nothing really mattered I think I would've been much happier

then. I hate the fact that I care abt everyone & everything, makes me so worried all the time. I try so hard to fix things, everything, this is me.. I fix things, unfortunately there R things that u can not fix nor change

Angry
This is stupid. totally stupid. The end of a year doesn't really mean a beginning of sth new, sth better.. it's just a continuation for what has already been started.. let's not lie to ourselves, life is life as it is, it won't change & if anything is to undergo change then it is us.

Surprised

when I at my lowest & was just about to fall. when I couldn't have felt any worse. when I felt like I was on the edge of a cliff, one step away from falling down, someone, out of the blue, tells me how much they admire my strength, that they wish they could be like me, emotionally strong.. this is so funny u know, the timing couldn't have been any better.. just reminded me of who I am, what I'm capable of & what is it that I can withstand

Some times I don't even know if I'm strong, some times I feel so weak, especially when I'm helpless.. GoSh I hate that feeling.. I'm the kind of ppl who love to control everything, who loves to keep things static just as they were & I hate changes I hate it, especially when these changes can not B by any mean controlled

so many ppl told me they think I'm cold, emotion wise I can be cold, this is actually good, really good, & very helpful in a plenty of situations. & No, I don't take it as an offense when they call me cold =p
I'm cold when I want 2 B cold, but those who know me well know what else beside cold can I be =p

Happy

Good news ppl, Ian Thorpe, my fav swimmer, is planning a come back, YAY =]
I'm doing good these days, really good alf el7emdellah =] getting what I want, reaching out for my goals & dreams, I'm on the right track & it makes me so happy & very proud that my efforts R finally paying off =] Allah la y'3ayer 3lai InShallah

I'll B posting very soon InShalla, I have sth special in mind, so stay tuned =p

To my beloved one
I'm sorry for my love isn't enough, I'm sorry for I know my love will never be enough to make u happy, I'm sorry for my love can not heal your wounds nor relieve your pain. I promise you that my love will add no less that joy, happiness & pride to your life.

...

على الهامش:

و صرت انتظر أن يحين الوقت لكي أقول : "أزمة و عدت، الحمد لله"

كل عام و كويتنا بخير

2011-02-25T14:50:00.003+03:00

Happy National Day everyone

الله يديم علينا الفرح و السعاده

و يحفظ ديرتنا من كل شر

A big THANK YOU goes out to everyone who participated in Desert Storm , we will forever be grateful.

the weather is just perfect, Allah ytamem 3laina, enjoy ur holiday ppl =]

Days I shall never forget

2011-01-14T15:37:00.002+03:00

I, as a crazy sports fan, had a lot of great moments, as well as sad ones of course

it's just fascinating how I can remember each & every moment so percisly as if I'm living it right now.. when u love sth as much as I love sports, u'll have a bunch of amazing unforgettable memories that will stay for u for the rest of your life

Football wise, let me share with you these moments =]

one of my happiest moments was when we qualified to the 2nd round of World Cup 2006 qualifications, we needed one win & China was our opponent.. we player a great match & I'll never forget how hectic it was, how extatic the stadium was when BaShar Abdullah fell to the ground to put his head on the ball & push it to the net.. that was a goal that I'll never ever forget.. a goal to remember.. I remember I cried back then

& surely won't forget that match that could've taken us to the World Cup finals 2006 in Germany, we were up 2-0 against Uzbekistan & some how things just flipped, all because of the Malaysian referee*if u manage to do a tiny lil research u'll come to the conclusion that Malaysian referees have through out history of our matches always been against us*, we ended up losing 3-2 in one crazy match, I remember Maxim Shatskikh*not sure abt the spelling of his name =S* scored one of their goals.. aaaaah yal.8ahar.. e7tarag galbi youmha... I remember mum was trying to comfort me telling me that the time will come, I said: "I don't want to wait till 2010 to see my team in the world cup finals ='[" Ironically, I'm gonna have to wait till 2014 =S
I hated how those south-east asian referees were never ever fair to us,, I remember each & everyone who was unfair to our team ,, I remember their faces each one of them.. I surely will never forgive them.. & don't tell me u gotta B objective & whatever, cuz I am.. I don't want a win that I did not earn.. I was what's right & what's fair.. & I didn't get that.. I can tell when there's manipulation whether for or against my team.. I surely can tell

one more crazy bit of info abt Hope =p

everytime our national anthem is played, wether on t.v or whatever.. I stand up with all of respect, lay my right hand on my chest & sing.. u think I'm crazy?? well U're not the 1st

what can I say, I'm devoted to my country & nation

I still very clearly remember the last time we played in Asian cup, that was back in 2004. The game against Jordan, I didn't wanna lose this one.. I remember every tiny teeny detail, 3aziz 3a6eya's commentary for ete7ad etha3at e.dwal el.3rabeya =p they scored few minutes b4 the end of the match & they killed me.. I rermber running away, hiding, sitting all alone & crying my heart out, I didn't want anyone 2 see me like this.. I was so hurt & disappointed. few minutes after the end of the match Dad was looking for me & I wasn't there, he freaked out & everyone was looking for me while I was hiding *so kiddo like* then I didn't want to freak him ou any more, I went to him & cried in his lap ='(

u know what else I shall never forget, pretty much every match we played against KSA, these were always special & will for ever be. Most of them were on Wednesdays, so it was great to watch them with my uncles, as my dad & cousins would always go watch it in the stadium every time it was in Kuwait. I'll never forget the one we lost 4-0 in KSA, it was on Friday, late at night & I had an English Final exam the very next day, I went to bed & cried my self to sleep =[ poor me I was so disappointed, I rememberer the post match interview with one of the Saudi players who said that we have a good team & we can beat South Korea & make it along with the Saudis..

mayB one day I'll post some pics from my diary, all abt matches, all supporting the team =p
I remember everyday our national team had a match me & 3waSh would write all in blue, & we would have thouse encouraging words in our personal msg in msn, sth like: "الازرق لا يملك اوراقا تبعثرها لارياح، و لكن امواجا تزيدها الرياح قوة"

btw, guess who's my fav Arabic commentator =p
I don't like arabic commentry much, but I love 39am e.Shwali's commentry, he's so funny & amazing, feels like I'm listening to t3beer 3rabi when I hear him, he sings songs, say the phrase in different languages.. just amazing.. & he's got amazing info abt everything, a man with a great amount of knowledge, a man who knows something abt everything =]

A corner kick:

Qatar, 2022

You, Me, & Fifa World Cup.

it's a date then =D

Bye Bye 2010, Welcome 2011

2010-12-31T23:45:00.002+03:00

I promised my next post was gonna B abt my obsession with sports, football in particular, it's actually ready in the drafts waiting for me to click the publish button but I would love to have it as my 1st post for the year so bear with me plz. now allow me to rant & talk & talk & talk, as I haven't talked much lately =p

I had some rough time bs alf el7emdellah things are getting better, I'm trying so hard to get what I want.. I'm not really getting all right now, but hopefully I'm on my way =] I'm doing all I can & it's kindda paying off, I'm just greedy I always want more =p

as usual, bcuz of exams I missed my cousin's milcha. Yes, I'm not a party kindda girl but it was my cousin's milcha, it's my cousin we're talking abt out here =@ I missed a lot, my cousins that I haven't seen for a while now & their lil kids =[ I missed the red dress & all that fun

saw one of the kids later on & gosh isn't she a sweetheart, just as pretty as her mum & even more.. I love this girl, dShat galbi.. I don't usually like baby girls but this girl is just different, nothing like others + she likes me

I usually love this time of the year,, but this year it's different, I've been so busy to even notice hoe lovely the weather is. I celebrated my B-Day with my friends, it was an early surprise party & I was really surprised lol.. el7emdella I have a bunch of amazing friends (I love u guys =D). & then when it was my real B-Day my relatives planned me a surprise party which I skipped lol.. mum came back home with a piece of cakes telling me all abt that, she was like "we couldn't resist the cake, but we kept u a lil piece " how funny is that? it's my B-Day cake & I only get a tiny piece =p

I now proudly announce that I haven't had fast food since the beginning of this semester, I also stopped drinking fuzzy drinks a while ago, more than 6 months now & I feel great =D so, since the beginning of our cardiology module, I started freaking out & going crazy, I went like I can't do this to my body I can't intoxicate it with this *censored* I'm eating I just can't. I'm not gonna fill my blood with that LDL *aka bad cholesterol* & block my arteries, I can't do this to my poor heart, it deserves much more than that. I know I sound like a crazy person but seriously, I don't wanna be 1 of those ppl who end up bringing diseases to themselves.. I wanna live a happy long healthy life & in order to do so, I gotta eat healthy & stay away form junk food & so on. I even don't bake colorful cakes anymore, I don't use food dye, I don't care how my cake is gonna look as long as it has healthy ingredient. what's the point of having the most beautiful cakes that tastes amazing but ends up making me sick on the long term. In our present day we are surrounded by all sorts oa carcinogens, all around us & we don't know abt it, I think the least we can do is eat healthy, that's that least we can do. Crazy, so be it =p

what else, let me see, yeah 5la9 I admit it, I'm a whiner, yes I am o kaifi.. I like to whine cuz I don't wanna keep anything inside, I just like to take it all out, all that negative energy out.. I don't want it to poison my body.. the only person who can put up with me when I start whining is Dad♥ no body else can handle me cuz I go on & on & on, & yeah I'm hard to stop.. u don't wanna get my started as I'm so picky & hard to please or satisfy.. I know ppl hate that abt me, but I don't wanna change.. I don't want to, what's the point of suppressing all that anger & dissatisfaction & keeping it all for me? I'll never stop whining =p I actually have been very hard to satisfy these past 3 years, nothing is good enough, very few things seem to satisfy me.. I don't know, is it that all of that is not worth of my satisfaction, or is it that I've become even pickier & harder to satisfy.

isn't it amazing to have some1 who understands u, gets what u're saying & doesn't think u're crazy every time u talk.. that' how it feels when I'm around one of my friends,, she so gets it.. she's bald & just amazing.. I wonder Y we weren't friend since the 1st time we knew each other, it's probably bcuz I didn't know u all that time, I never knew u were such a sweet amazing person, I never knew u for who u are, but now I know what u're like & I'm proud to have u as a friend =D

2010 wasn't so sweet & kind to me, not all the way, but like each year, it had its good & its bad & I can say that despite everything, at the end of the day, I can ,at least, say that I'm now one step closer to my goal =]

Bye bye 2010.

2011 here I come, all armed & ready to battle =p

Happy new year every one =]

Pics

went by in a blink of an eye

=[

2010-12-04T18:30:00.002+03:00

رَب إنِّي مَسَّنِيَ الضُّرُّ وَأَنتَ أَرْحَمُ الرَّاحِمِينَ

Eid & a lot more

2010-11-18T16:51:00.000+03:00

Eid, my time of the year

yesterday was amazing, I just love family gatherings, well, not all of them.. 1st half of the day was a blast

b4 lunch we were all watching a match like we used to do awaaal. the 1st thing that caught my eyes was IOC instead of Kuwait, this is just ridiculous, I mean when will they start to move & do sth about this? how much longer do we have to wait? I myself gave up on them like what? 7 or 6 yrs ago.. believe me it wasn't easy, but I just learned to ignore all of that.. Y would I care abt sth that would always make me cry

yesterday, for the 1st time in my life & mean really the 1st time, I looked at our olympic football team squad & I barely recognized one or two of the guys.. that was shocking.. only then I realized that I've really given up on them a long time ago

this brought back all the memories, all the dreams.. I've always wanted to play in an international football match, I wanted to represent my country, I wanted to score a goal & run around the court spreading my arms like a bird does with its wings... I wanted the world to witness my glory, creativity & strenght.. I wanted to win a gold medal at an international event , where I would see my flag being raised infront of my eyes, where I could hear my international anthem being played, where I would sing, stare at the flag with a wide smile & sparkling teary eyes... I can not express in words how much I wanted this .. I wanted it so bad as a child & as a teenager.. I actually still do.. I've been thinking, just let me finish off with this meds thing & I'll work hard to persuit this dream

Some of u might find this very silly. Do I care ? Definitely not

other half of the day, so not worth talking abt.. it was just horrible

bs I'm thankful for the 1st fun part

went out & had dinner with dad yesterday, had lots of fun
Dad Allah y7afthah is affectionate 2 the extreme,, How can I not love him?

...

That match I watched on the 1st day of Eid, just brought lots of memories, took me back to the time I was so crazy abt out national team.. I really was crazy, like u wouldn't believe
I miss the girl I used to B back then, full of love & passion for the game
I remember international matches were usually held on Wednesdays, I remember going to the supermarket evey wednesday after school & buying lots of ice cream with my cousins, preparing everything for the match.. the pop corn, the ice cream, the water & everything
I still remember falling off the couch, being so anxious that my heart would beat so fast.. jumping & screaming like one crazy girl when we score, running all around the house & hugging dad so hard, screaming YES, WE SCORED =D
wanting to dye my hair blue all for the sake of the match.. wearing all blue, writing in blue every wednesday in school.. the crazy motivational personal msgs in my msn.. I miss all of that

talking abt a football match with such great passion & actually telling our music teacher, tell her about our point of view, how our players were treated unfairly, letting her get so into it, leaving the students & the class just to listen to us.. that was so crazy lol
Allaaaaaaaaaah.. I loved those days

I was one very crazy girl,, & I still am
I guess this girl inside of me just woke up =D

there will B a very funny & shocking, to some, upcoming post abt all the craziness & obsession

أضحى مـبـارك

2010-11-16T16:36:00.004+03:00

عيدكم مبارك

و تقبل الله طاعتكم

كل عام و انتو بخير و عساكم من عواده يا رب

To The Men in My Life

2010-11-13T16:53:00.001+03:00

Uncle A

thanx 4 being there for me when I needed u most

for hugging me & wrapping me with ur amazing magical warmth when I need it most

thank u for the great talk we had.. for holding my hand & never letting go.. for patting on my head & shoulder

for calling & checking on me

thanx for opening up, letting me pour everything out from my heart to yours

thank you for loving me, for caring so much

I love u my Fav lil Uncle

Uncle M

thanx for being the one for him

for loving & believing in me

for that album u made.. for every scrap paper u've cut from the news paper & magazines.. for every picture u've kept, & every article u've got ur hands on

thanx for collecting all those precious memories ever since I started going to school & till present day

thanx for being his brother, his guider, & his soulmate

thanx for caring so much & loving him just that much

...

wallah enna m3azatkom mn m3azetah yal.'3aleen

I Love U so very much
Allah la ya7rimni menkom.. the best uncles in the world. I wouldn't have asked for better ones =D

Don't Let Go

2010-10-29T14:20:00.000+03:00

I need u.. I need u so bad
I haven't had enough of u, & I want u
I love u... plz hold on for me, fight as hard as u can & don't let go.
I can't afford losing u.. I don't wanna lose u
I know I'm being selfish out here, but I gotta B. I want u there, around me like u've always been. I want things to be the way they always were. I wanna spend Eid with u. I wanna kiss ur hands & forehead. I wanna listen to ur funny stories & ur bits of wisdom.

I wanna feel the love & live it.. I haven't had enough.. so plz don't leave
Plz, don't die on me =[

.....

I know I'm neglecting the blog, I know I'm not being around much bs really I'm so busy, I hardly have the time to scratch my head & I have tons of things to do all at once, I even started forgetting things.. I feel like an old lady... & I hate the fact that I'm missing a lot out here,not being around much =[

but really, how am I doing? good, I guess, alf el7emdellah

I'm sortta happy, sortta satisfied.. I feel much much better, seems like things r gonna finally go my way. o it turned out my old strategy was the best, I used to tell my friends "etha e.denyah bt3anedni o bta36eeni thaharha o ma tamShi methel ma ana tabi, ra7 atelha mn ergobat.ha o amaSheeha 3adel" . that's what I'm doing right now, nothing stands in my way. I'll strive for what I want & I'll get it InShallah & nothing shall stop me =]

I've got tagged by msha3erha, a tag I said I wanted to do, but then when I started filling it, it turned out to B blank, most of it, so until I find sth to fill in those blanks =p

Later =/

aaaah

2010-10-06T20:06:00.000+03:00

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

my word these days =p since I started school I haven't done much but complain. I miss the holiday, I miss laying down, starring at the ceiling with nothing in my head.. but really it's not that bad, I just became a whiner recently I whine all the time just like a little kid =p I know, not so good, gotta change my attitude

Now my head is so full it could blow up any minute.. I have tons of things to do & a whole lot of other things 2 remember. On my 1st day back 2 school I was telling myself "o.k let's start fresh, yes u'll never get used to it again bs u gotta fight" ... now I actually think I got used to the school's routine, meaning I'm coping well el7emdellah =]

o I like the hospital visits. they're fun.. though tiring at times, but it feels good being a doc =p

the good news is that health wise things R much much better than the way they used to B.. getting better & actually feeling it, so alf alf el.7emdellah

I really miss photography o graphics designing.. haven't done much in these two fields 4 a while, not even in the holiday.. feels like I'm off, I know this feeling.. I had it once B4, I remember freaking out & telling Peace that I lost it.. I lost my touch, but it was just that I needed some time off, at some point this has got to happen 2 u, even if what u're doing is sth u love quite a lot

so off it is.. as long as I'm getting my touch back when it's the time =]

...

P.S. Slashy, u've been missed.. I hope u're getting better
this goes 2 u =***

Goin' Back 2 School

2010-09-18T01:46:00.000+03:00

hello everyone,

I can't believe my summer holiday is over already.. I want more & more & much much more.. it's really not fair as my summer holiday was really short in comparison 2 everyone else's.. I'm finished last & I'm starting 1st.. aaah this med school is gonna drive me crazy... I still can't believe it.. I guess I'm just gonna go on sunday morning & see how things will go, hopefully I'll cope well & I won't B so shocked & depressed like I always do

enough abt school, a couple of days ago I went out with my cousin, we had dinner at Applebee's.. at the beginning we didn't want 2 dine there but then we had 2 & thank god we did lol

we dinned their a couple of times B4 but never liked their food. This time was different, we loved the food & fell in love with the dessert lol

I leave u with the pics

the menue

getting ready lol

loved the appetizers

ceaser salad.. loved it

cowboy burger.. not bad

some steak.. I loved the mashed potato

chicken strips

brownie with vanilla ice-cream.. LOVED it

the price is just unbelieveable.. r5eeeeeeeeeeee9 7adda

they also gave us a coupon & a brochure that we can use to fill some sorta brochure abt the service online & then we would get free dessert next time .. that's great since I fell for their desserts =D

later =]

My Eid

2010-09-14T22:58:00.000+03:00

1st of All, again,

عيدكم مبارك.. عساكم من العايدين و الفايزين

و تقبل الله طاعتكم و كل عام و انتو بخير

I promised I would write a post abt Eid, sorry 4 the delay,, bs really haven't had the time 2 sit & write sth

So, how was my Eid? just great I would say.. loved it, loved every moment

.. staying up all night starring at the ceiling in attemps 2 sleep .. e.takbeer.. the boys buzz, one looking for his mkasar the other complaining abt b5oor... the compliments dad took 4 his new look .. I loved it =D

the usually silly part of Eid was actually bearable this time.. it went just fine. The kids, of course, went crazy

taking pics, playing games, & as usual.. fighting

so, day 1 was perfect

day 2 was fun

o on day three I went out with the gals 4 lunch at lorenzo.. fortunately the place wasn't crowded.. not much ppl actually.. we had a decent lunch, then at night I went out with my aunts 4 dinner.. it was nice.. not as bad as I thought it would B

now that Eid is over & my summer holiday nearly over.. I'm starting 2 stress abt goin' back 2 school.. I haven't had enough from the holiday.. I'll never get enough of it.. & I hate the fact that I start school b4 everyone else =[

I hate school .. I really do hate it

....

it's time 4 some pic =P

gettin' ready =p

chicken with mushrooms & cheese.. Not Bad

Eid breakfast =]

Dessert .. simply delicious

Cacao = 3ajeeeb

عيدكم مبارك

2010-09-10T10:22:00.000+03:00

عيدكم مبارك

تقبل الله طاعتكم و كل عام و انتو بخير

بوست العيد coming soon

...

enjoy ur time, make the best of it, zip up the past & start fresh

give 'em a chance & try 2 embrace 'em as they are

get 2 know 'em again

Eid is the right time 2 do it

forgive & put everything behind ur back

remember life is too short to spend it away from those u love

call ur friends, go 2 ur family gathering & enjoy every moment of this Eid

Nearly Over

2010-09-07T23:06:00.000+03:00

Ramadan is nearly over now, just a few days & we'll say our goodbyes 2 the holly month of Ramadan, meaning it's 3eed time so Yay.. I'm not so excited abt it as usual though.. I feel as if I', not ready , not yet..
it's been abt a year now, I wonder how his Sis, mum & dad r feeling & what abt his little bro .. do they still miss him? do they still wiSh this whole thing was just one bad nightmare? Questions that'll never B answered. Allah Yer7emek o yejma3hom feek bel.janna.

This years open is kindda weird, I dunno is it bcuz it started bel.3aShe el.awa5er, or is it all the other things... No henin, no serena in the ladies draw.. I hate it when they're not around cuz it kindda narrows my options.. & Andy, my Andy, lost in the 2nd round.. 4 the 1st time in him career.. it was very awful seeing him so helpless.. that mono really got him bad.. I loved the way he faught though.. he gave it a fight.. that's my boy
believe it or not till now, the 2nd week, I only watched a few matches.. u can count 'em on ur fingers actually .. one hand would B enough lol.. never did that.. never ever.. I think I need a big match .. a match that would excite me.. I need some good competitive tennis.. MayB a Feddy Vs. Rafa final.. that would B just great =]

على الهامش:

تَضَعُ أَصابِعَ يَديها الصغيرتين في أُذنها و تمشي بسرعه مبتعده عن تلك الأصوات

تتجه نحو الظلام.. حيث لا يجدها احد

و كما كانت تقعل قبل 10 سنوات حين تفزع

فإنها تجلس في الزاويه ...ترتجف من رأسها حتى اخمص قدميها، هذه المرة بشعور مختلف

يتراوح بين الغضب و الآسى

تضم ركبتيها لصدرها و تحيط يديها برجليها لعلها تهدأ

تبكي و تبكي و تبكي.. تبكي من القلب و بحرقة

تبكي لانها تعلم بانه الآن يتألم .. و قلبة ينزف

و قلبها هي... ما هو الا قطعة من قلبه

تبكي بصمت و تقول: اللهم اشرح صدره.. اللهم اشرح صدره

Hope & Gergai3an

2010-08-25T22:00:00.000+03:00

hello everyone

it's gergai3an time =p & I so want 2 agarge3 bs appearently, not gonna happen =[ cuz it's during the middle of the week, so no zwara & there's no1 I can go agarge3 with =[
I'm thinking, mayB next year =p

last time garga3t is abt 2 yrs ago, it was so much fun with the kids, the funny thing is that we went with an army of maids lol, we were 5 kids & abt 7 or 8 maids.. la o mum still 5ayfa 3laina o every 5 minutes she calls us lol . Moreover, 45 minutes later, my uncle calls me o says "yalla come back" & I'm like Noooo nabi ngarge3 b3ad, the kids walk slowly o ma garga3na wayed =[. eventually we went back , I tried to stall them bs mako fayda

it was fun though, we had a great time

Happy Gergai3an everyone =p

.....

I'm nearly done with the blue scarf, Yay =] gonna post some pics InShallah when I'm done

& yeah I made dessert 4 my Bro's, teh easiest dessert in the world & their Fav.. aShwa they liked it
here are some pics =]

Thoughts

2010-08-16T02:11:00.000+03:00

aaaaaaaah I love Ramadan, don't u all love it =D ?

it's the gatherings I don't like lol.. el7emdellah I managed to survive 'em.. I played o talked to the kids most of the time.. I swear their more fun 2 B around, especially when they start tellin' stories abt dinasors 7 animals.. they're so funny.. walla when they pause for pics.. 7lat.hom.. not all of 'em of course

kids R now my friends & I'm as they said their beloved friend, how cool is that, they're head over heels abt me

remember when I said I don't wanna cook, now I want to lol.. we'll see how things go, I might cook, might

......

when ever I'm pissed off, disappointed, or just sad, I write stuff on a piece of paper or as a note in my mob

here's some of Hope's thoughts in the past few months

p.s. these are all behind me now =] el7emdellah

"My future is on the stake

I'm not feeling Good abt this aaah I don't wanna lose no battle nor war

My heart is too weak & fragile. I can't handle another loss

I can't & I don't want 2... My heart aches so bad right now ='("

"My feelings do not lie.

Indeed I LOSE ='("

"I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it

Don't wanna do any more tests"

------

I promised the beautiful 5/4 to show her what I've been knitting. So, I've been working on a hot pink scarf.. but now I stopped, 5la9 I'm not gonna finiSh it.. I'll do sth blue.. a9lan what was I thinking when I used a hot pink yarn ??

now I'll leave u with some pics

blue a7la =p

a cake I made abt a week ago

3ajeeba, bs a lil piece is enough cuz thegeeelaaaaa

مـبـارك عـلـيـكـم الـشـهـر

2010-08-10T17:51:00.000+03:00

Salaaaaaaaaaaaaaaam everyone =p

can't wait 4 Ramadan 2 come =] I love it .. the spirit, 3eed preps & everything.. I LOVE it

3ad this Ramadan I'm not gonna cook, 5la9 I don't feel like it.. mayB I'll bake a cake for a friend,, no real cooking though.. I'm always disappointed with the end result.. everyone likes it except 4 me .. it's never the way I think it would B =S

U knwo what I love abt Ramadan... fasting .. see I don't like food, I think that we should only eat when we're hungry or really really craving sth.. so I only eat 2 survive.. it's not my fav hobby =p so I'm happy cuz then nobody is gonna go like "eat eat eat.. Y don't u eat? U should eat.."

& it's tennis time again... GoSh I miss good matches, Rafa, Andy, Nole, & Roger of course

Roger's cup should B fun 2 watch.. but I can't wait 4 teh USO aaaaaaah I want an American to win this time, I have a specific one in mind =p walla it would B just amazing if things turned out the way I want 'em 2 B

anyhow, I have a lot 2 say & some pics 2 share with u, but 4 now all I have 2 say is:

مبارك عليكم الشهر

كل عام و انتو بخير

و عساكم من عواده

لـَـن نـَـنسـى الذكـرى العشـرين

2010-08-02T15:02:00.001+03:00

2-8-1990
ننسى؟ مستحيل
نسامح؟ ممكن بس صعبه وايد

ننسى الغدر؟ ننسى الخيانة؟ لا والله ما ننسى
بالغزو الكويت انجرحت جرح عمره ما يطيب ..
جرح ترك ندبه و علامه و ذكرى راح تظل لأبد الآبدين

كل ما اشوف هالفيديو تخنقني العبره

الله يرحمه .. الله يرحمه

ماتخيل في احد بالعالم يحب ديرته كثر ما بابا جابر حب الكويت

مافي اغلى من دموعك يا يبه

الشيخ جابر الأحمد في الأمم المتحدة 1990

....

it has been 20 yrs, & it still hurts ..

I was born during the Iraqi invasion.. I was too young 2 feel the pain, too young to feel it & suffer

I've only heard stories, watched videos & saw some pics .. & it really hurts.. it hurts so bad.. I can't imagin how everyone felt back then .. I dunno how it feels 2 B betrayed like that, stabbed in the back

aaaaaaaaah it makes me mad, it makes me angry.. how could they?? what kind of ppl are they?? the things they've done r just so unbelievable.. how can all of this happen to a human on the hand of another

The only explanation I managed 2 reach is that they are unhuman. They are monsters.

plz I don't anybody 2 ask me not 2 generalize .. I will if I want to.. but I won't but c'mon those were the vast majority.. don't try to convince me that all of these soliders did it only bcuz they had to

NO, NO.. & if u say so then what abt the torture & everything.. no human can do that if it want their own wiShes .. Nobody.

they killed they tortured, they rapped, they burnt, they sabatagged

can u imagin?? they killed kids, young men & ladies, old ppl

& don't tell me it's war & u can do everything.. they started it.. they are the ones who infringed on the property of others without having the right

I'm so mad & I don't think I'll ever B able 2 4give 'em

every time I think abt this.. I feel violated ='(

it feels so bad

...

Thank God we got out country back.. Thank God a million time =]

Me & The Holiday

2010-07-24T02:02:00.000+03:00

what do I love the most abt me ? I want = I get

this still is the case, well, most of the times & it makes me more than happy

so, how do I do it ?

1- I want.

2- I think.

3- I plan.

4- I do.

5- I get.

I've got some good news!! I got my Arabic back.. I'm back.. gradually improving..

& I'm knitting again.. I thought let's give it a try, I did & it worked, I remembered everything =D
I'm happy

****

a couple of days ago we celebrated the birthday of my dear Pinkya. I can't believe she's 20 already, 9arat 3ayooz =p
we had lunch 2gether & then surprised her, she was so surprised.. that was amazing
we had so much fun & we shall do it again
love u pinkya

the gift wrapped & ready

Candles ready

Card ready

****

هــمســه:

آللـهـم إني تحت رحمتــك , فـ ارحمنــي بـ فضلـك

آللـهـم أَسبـغ عليّ بـ لبـآس آلصحـه وآلعآفيـه

واحفظنـي لــ وآلـديّ وأَحبـتــي

I confess...

2010-07-18T02:17:00.001+03:00

Ghalya Al-Dhafiri started her "I Confess..." campaign to help people. I thought abt it & I think its a wonderful idea. So, in this post Hope is gonna confess..

now I stand before u all, vulnerable, with what I carry deep in my heart exposed

enjoy...

I confess...

I love my dad more than my mum. this issue have been bothering me 4 quite a long time. As a child I just couldn't understand it, how come I love him more than her? Y am I not like everyone else.. now that I think abt it I realize that I'll never love anyone the way I love my dad.. Never.. & I love my mum, I love her.. in a different way.. yes we don't agree on much, yes, we have different personality.. but I love her & I always will.. I love her so much but I can't show it with hugs & kisses & so on.. I love her & I do show my love by other simple means ;p.. now I know it's not abt how much u love someone .. it's abt how u love him

I confess...

I can act like a 5 yr old child, believe it or not.. & I do actually, not so often but I'm such a de3la kid when I do.. I can get angry & even cry bcuz some one ate my chocolate or ice-cream.. I so very much hate it when they do this.. ya3ni I barely find sth that I like & especially when it comes 2 food & eating & they go do this .. not good not good..

I confess...

I can forgive very easily.. forgiveness is not an issue 4 me.. it happens naturally, it's the forgeting part that I have no grip on.. I might forgive.. but I find it very difficult 2 forget

I confess...
though I try as hard as I can not 2 compliment ppl, I just can be like this all the time .. I can't, uff I'm too sweet.. I always say faShla o 3aib.. I so wanna B strict & just do things for me 'n never compliment ppl ever again on my own expense.. that my next mission

I confess...
the 1st time I wore my glasses, I didn't sob & cry bcuz I had a horrible heaache. That was a lie, I cried for my loss =[.. I cried cuz I'll no more wake up & see teh world the way I always did =[

I Survived

2010-07-07T02:44:00.000+03:00

e.Salam 3laikom everyone

Yes I'm alive. Yes, I survived =]

it has been a week since my summer holiday started, it's feels weird, but I love it, after all it's summer =]

I actually wrote 2 come back posts, but chose not 2 post 'em. A sad one, & another one that I chose not 2 complete. I don't want my come back post 2 B a sad or angry one. I'm not satisfied with pretty much everything going on in my life, I'm sick & I dunno what's wrong with me .. lots of tests.. & I dunno

so, since my summer holiday started, I've been to the doc's abt 4 times, 3 blood tests & one more to come next week, bs ell7emdellah 3la kel 7al. I really wanna know what's wrong, I wanna fix it.

one thing I hate abt being sick, beside not knowing what exactly is wrong with me, is having to go through those awful blood tests.. I just hate it, it hurts so much =[ & no body seems to understand.. cuz YEAH when it comes 2 needles & shots "I am a chicken" it really hurts u know, I'm not exagerating or sth like that..

despite the pain, despite the sorrow & all of the bad feelings.. one msg.. a few letters that make a word.. & a few words that make a sentence .. this is what it takes 2 make me happy

Cousin.. I'm so very proud of u.. Baya'9teha, & u didn't let me down

Congrats cousin.. & I love u

4 so long now I've been looking 4 the missing part of the picture, now.. 2day I think I found it

these pics R taken from my note 2 yrs ago .. now I know what's missing

I need to believe in myself again.. I need to do this

& I need to do the things I love ..

Coma..

2010-04-30T15:33:00.000+03:00

I feel like my Soul is in a coma

I need some time OFF.I need a break .. a break of everything .. even me

I'm so tired .. I can not function properly. I need to breathe some FreSh air .. I need solitude. I need some loneliness .. just me

me, myself & I

cuz the presence of PPl is somehow hurting me

scrating my weary soul .. rasing "hope" in me

I don't understand ppl.. the way they act really makes me feel uncomfortable & make me doubt the presence of those who understand me.. what's wrong with behaving, what's wrong with being nice to ppl

is it so hard to wish ppl what u wish for urslef? is it that hard?

it's really disappointing when u see ppl act in a way that doesn't suit their position. those R a minority, 'n their behaviours r supposed to match their postitions, yet u always find those silly ones here 'n there, those who don't have the lowest ethical standards to fill any job in the society.. I wonder what kind of ppl will they B in the future

I'll B away 4 a while, but I'll post every now & then, if I get the time 2 =]

....

سئمت الناس و تفاهاتهم

سئمت نظراتهم.. افكارهم و عقولهم الصغيره

كل ما اريده الآن هو ان اختلي بنفسي

في احدى زوايا هذه الدنيا الكبيره ..

في مكان بعيد جداً..

اشعر بأنني تائهه في هذا العالم

لا افهم الناس.. تصرفاتهم السخيفه

قررت البحث عن عالم يحتويني

فانا اريد ان اعيش في عالم مختلف.. عالم ليس كهذا الذي اعيش فيه اليوم في شيء

عالم خالي من الكذب و الاقنعة.. عالم مبني على الصدق و الاخلاق

عالم لا اكون فيه غريبه.. عالم انتمي اليه

و يبقى السؤال.. هل سأجد هذا العالم يوماً ؟

الـيـوم.. أقسـمـت

2010-04-08T17:49:00.003+03:00

اليوم..

قبل ساعاتٍ مضت
أقسمت

أقسمت اليوم بلساني و عقلي و قلبي
و قبل كل شيءعاهدت نفسي بأن هذا القسم سيكون معي في كل لحظة
و قبل اتخاذ اي قرار.. كبيراً كان أم صغير
سأستحضر لحظة القسم و كلماته و ما فيه من معانِ

اليوم
قال الوزير و رددنا من بعده
قلت بلساني و عقلي و قلبي و كل جوارحي :

اقَسِمُ باللهِ العَظِيمْ

أن أراقبَ اللّه في مِهنَتِي. وأن أصُونَ حياة الإنسان في كافّةِ أدوَارهَا. في كل الظروف والأحَوال بَاذِلاً وسْعِي في استنقاذها مِن الهَلاكِ والمرَضِ والألَم والقَلق . وأن أَحفَظ لِلنّاسِ كَرَامَتهُم ، وأسْتر عَوْرَتهُم ، وأكتمَ سِرَّهُمْ . وأن أكونَ عَلى الدوَام من وسائِل رحمة الله ، باذلا رِعَايََتي الطبية للقريب والبعيد ، للصالح والخاطئ ، والصديق والعدو . وأن أثابر على طلب العلم ، أُسَخِره لنفعِ الإنسَان ... لا لأذَاه. وأن أُوَقّرَ مَن عَلَّمَني ، وأُعَلّمَ مَن يَصْغرَني ، وأكون أخاً لِكُلِّ زَميلٍفي المِهنَةِ الطُبّيّة مُتعَاونِينَ عَلى البرِّ والتقوى. وأن تكون حياتي مِصْدَاق إيمَاني في سِرّي وَعَلانيَتي ، نَقيّةً مِمّا يُشينهَا تجَاهَ الله وَرَسُولِهِ وَالمؤمِنين .

والله على ما أقول شهيد

. . . . .

الله يقدرني على اني احافظ على قسمي و اصون عهدي

نـبـضـات قـلـب..

2010-03-14T19:56:00.001+03:00

الأحد، الرابع عشر من مارس 2010

يومٌ للتاريخ

حصلت عليها اليوم.. سماعتي السوداء

حصلتُ عليها اليوم

و كان اولَ صوتٍ اسمعه فيها...

نبضاتُ قلب..

امرٌ بديهي؟

نعم، لكنني اليوم استمعتُ لشيءٍ من نوعٍ آخر

صوتُ نبضاتِ قلبٍ لا تشبه صوتَ القلوبِ في هذهِ الدنيا في شيءٍ سوى كونها اصواتَ قلبِ بشر

صوتٌ مختلف

و نبضات قلبٍ احبهُ بصدق

نبضاتُ قلبٍ كبيرٍ يخفقُ بالحبِ و العطاء

نبضاتُ قلب وقعتُ في حبهِ منذ تسعةَ عشرَ عاماً

نبضاتُ قلبٍ احببتهُ و احبهُ و سأحبهُ دوماً

.
.

باختصار... كانت نبضاتَ قلبِ مُحِب

Roller Coaster.. Again

2010-03-12T01:02:00.001+03:00

I'm literally burried under a pile of notes.. micro, psycho, patho, & pharma.. I barely get some time to take a deep breath.. my mind is so very busy & overwhelmed =p

it feels like I'm riding a roller coaster, except that it never stops & it keeps going. I'm very much enjoying my psychology course, it's really interesting. Who knew human mind is so complicated!!? Sub7an Allah

I look at old photos of me.. & then I take a look at the mirror

I don't look like the same person

& then that other day, a friend saw an old pic of me & she went: "sth look different, sth is different, is it the make up? I can't tell"

it took me a while 2 realize the difference

back the I was happy...

I was satisfied

at some points of my life I was the

cutest little girl

kid who's always crying

nerd

best

& now.. I dunno.. & I really hate it when I don't know

I used 2 B the girl who says I want.. I know..

now I'm sortta like I feel.. I think

[am I thinking too much ?] that's the Q

Well,

I wanna B the best again =p

I'm working on it & I'll very soon do it InShallah =]

as time goes by, the one lesson I haven't failed to learn was loving you

I'm a perfectionist & u're just so very perfect.. we match =p

I love how much u care, I love that I can tell u abt everything

u're so good to the extent that makes me think that u're from another world

u keep on proving that u're the best daddy in the world

I love u.. my role model.. my man.. my one & only

am I the tiniest person on planet earth or what?

one of my winter coats is supposed 2 fit a kid at age 11.. Guess what! I'm 19 yrs old & it fits perfectly =p

for so long I've been drinking milk pretty much daily on school days *btw: I never loved milk.. ma7ebaaaaah*.. I'm doing my best but it seems that I'm destined 2 B the shortest person in the house =[

وطــــن الــنــهــار

2010-02-25T23:33:00.002+03:00

كل عام و انتي بخير يا اغلى حبيبة

الله يحفظ ديرتنا من كل شر و يديم علينا الفرح و السعاده

I'm Sorry My Friend, I Never Asked

2010-02-19T01:29:00.001+03:00

if I still remember right, in a few days it's gonna be two years since this happened.
Two Years

& I, myself, can't talk abt it .. I can't bring it up & I can't think abt it without my eyes tearing up

What about you? How are you? Are you good ? May I ask?

I need to know that you're good, but I just can't ask. I can't bear breaking your heart & making you relive the tragedy. I can't do that.

Do you still miss him?

I sure do miss you =[

I miss that special thing about you. I miss your beautiful childish smile.
I miss the sparkle I saw in your eyes everytime you talked about him.

Do you still cry yourself to sleep?

Do you still sleep hugging his deshdasha.. inhaling his scent as it's your oxygen?

And if I may ask, how does it feel like to be living, but not really living?
being trapped inside a body with no heart or even mind, just you & a ghost of your so called heart, that poor little agonized heart.

Do u still fake a smile everytime someone tells a joke?

Do you still blame yourself? do you still think "what if"?

it have been two years now

how did you manage to survive? how does it feel without him?

& from the inside .. deep in your heart .. are you still alive? Are u, my friend?
My friend, if I told you I understand how you felt then I would be lying to your face, because I don't know how it feels & I don't ever wanna know.
Because I,like you my friend, am daddy's little girl.

& I can't ask "how are you?" or "How is your life going without him?"
because I know it will break your heart & mine if I do =[

Forgive me, my dear friend, for I never asked. Forgive me, for I may never do.

I know he meant everything to you.. I know you loved him more than anything in this world.. I know no words of condolence will ever be enough.. I know no words can describe your loss.

but there's nothing that you can do, nor something that you could've done to prevent this. This is how things were meant to be.

You can cry your heart out, you can give up & choose not to live. Nevertheless, non of this will bring him back. And everytime you ask yourself "Will he ever come back?", you'll get the same answer.. the one your little brother heard when he told your mum that he would give all of his toys to Allah just to get daddy back. You'll hear the same answer all over again, again & again.

he's gone & that is a fact. But you should never forget that he's alive inside of you.. in what's left of your heart, his kingdom.

one last thing I have to say

ياعساه في جنه الخلد مرتاح

Lately ..

2010-02-05T15:35:00.003+03:00

I haven't been myself lately. I've done things I don't usually do.. it was fun .. 4 a while, but then it didn't feel like me.. I've been so busy this past week.. I didn't even have time to miss the AO .. I usually miss it like hell the next day.. But this time I didn't get the time 2 do so

I did miss seeing Rafa holding the trophy & Andy fighting for his 2ns Slam ..but GoSh!! feddy is just too good .. one day after another he proves he's the greatest, the best .. not only is he a great player but also a great humanitarian .. such a good guy .. but I'll never cheer 4 him =p

& Andy ... the other Andy .. oh he broke my heart .. his emotional runner-up speech .. his faltering voice.. blinking away the tears.. it all shows how much he loves the game & that he really cares abt his fans .. Andy, u got urself a new fan =]

the holiday is coming 2 an end & I hate it =[ I love holidays more than any human being on the planet & I always get a short one .. this is so not fair .. I just have one week left & it's so not enough.. I want more, much much more .. the good thing is that I'm gonna get to watch some more tennis this coming week

many B-Days coming up this month & we have a wedding coming up ... I don't feel like going, there's a chance that I might feel bored & this is not sth I want, so I might just skip & Im sure I'll have a very good reason ..

Some PPl find me too dreamy cuz I always wanna have time to meditate .. look at the sky.. stare at the clouds.. enjoy the cool breeze.. this is the way I usually start my day. One other thing they find really funny is that I don't risk going 2 places where I might get bored or feel sad .. I don't take risks, I usually go with the odds.. I'll always find sth more interesting .. I guess this makes me a realistic person rather than a dreamy one =p

I wanna make some double chocolate muffins but my brothers want a chocolate cake that I've made two times this past week .. I'm not gonna make it 4 them .. I wanna do sth different =p

Snap Shots

this one drives the boys crazy =p

these 2 they call 'em the ice cream cakes =p

I felt Nothing

2010-01-26T18:48:00.001+03:00

I usually tend to have some sort of a bad feeling when my boys lose ... & the 2 losing at the same day & the same round, certainly, doesn't make things any easier.

2day the two lost .. & I felt nothing

NOTHING

dunno .. is it that they didn't disappoint me .. dunno

What makes me feel really awful is when they lose, & I miss the match .. it makes me feel guilty though sometimes it's out of my hands .. crazy !!?? maybe .. anyhow, that was the case today .. just got 2 watch a couple of games .. follow the score online 4 a while .. but then I wasn't there

& I wasn't worried, anxious, or whatever. I had a very funny feeling .. like I was too confident that he would win or he would lose this one .. it's weird I don't even know what I felt ..

it was when I knew exactly what happened .. it was then when I felt bad ..

but I'm still proud of 'em .. both of 'em

I know they gave it their best .. they R fighters & not quitters

Hats off 2 Andy, Rafa, & their opponents

Once more I'll say what I usually say at these times ...

Andy .. they're one place where u'll always B the winner, now & 4 ever, u & no other .. & that is the hearts of ur fans

.
.

u know!! my brothers always criticize my choice of players .. they think I usually go 4 losers & I really can't see that!!

I go 4 fighters [full stop]

I definitely don't c myself cheering 4 someone like federer .. it would've made things much easier & probably happier 4 me, yeah, definitely, but it just doesn't seem right 2 me.. a superb player, without a doubt.. just not my type.. I usually go 4 the American, who in this case is Roddick since no Agassi is there any more .. & we have our good times .. not many but they're really GOOD

& even if my boys never win a single match from 2day on, I'll still B their fan .. for ever I will B... it's not just a matter of loyalty .. I just can't not B there just bcuz ppl think they're loser or underachievers .. the ways I see it, they're not.. they are MY champions & they always will B

KK I'm in a big trouble now

for the 1st time since I don't know when, I don't have a player 2 cheer 4 in the mens semi =s

I might eventually cheer 4 Marin or the other Andy

what have I been up to ?

2010-01-21T15:59:00.001+03:00

Hi everyone,

I disappeared again =p

had a lot of things 2 do .. really a lot

U might B wondering what have I been up to ?!

well, 4 a starter I made a big move ... I attended a melcha party lol ..I had to go, it was my cousin's .. I know, so not like me ... but guess what!! I dressed like a young lady & I went , who knew this young lady was wandering around in the morgue .. between cadavers, 4 hours ago =p ... so, at the beginning it felt so weird lol it really was .. then just when I started 2 settle, things started 2 get really annoying & once more I realized I really am not the party kind of girls

so, a lot of studying & exams.. gosh I hate exams ..& what's even worse is getting sick when u have exams

we really rarely appreciate teh gift of health till we lose it for a while, ahhhh I hate being sick .. it's tough.. physically & so tiring mentally

Thank God... this is all behind me now

I'm done with my finals, ironically, I start my 2nd semester next week lol ... Yeah my life is a joke

here's what I have 4 this holiday .. 1st of all, I decided to give driving a 2nd chance .. we'll c how things go... I'm gonna read some books .. looking froward to this cuz I really wanna read some book, I'm interested in every word of this one ... I wanna exercise .. a lot a lot a lot .. gotta get fit ... Finally, it's tennis time now .. so it's my time .. tennis makes me HAPPY =]

I miss u Peace

& I miss my peace of mind

Goodbye 2009

2009-12-31T17:19:00.004+03:00

not so long ago, we all welcomed 2009

& now, I find myself writing Goodbye 2009

time goes by so quickly doesn't it

I remember when we used to say "can't wait for 2000 to come"

now it's gonna B 2010

that's 10 years .. 10 whole years

2009

a wonderful beginning, and by far the weirdest end

unfortunately .. it didn't rise up 2 my expectations

the most important thing is that I've learned a lot of things

so many things

my best friend once told me " u might b smart, but I know u're not when it comes to dealing with ppl"

I partially agree

but I'll stay me

I refuse 2 change, unless it's 4 the better ME

the way I act got me 2 where I am 2day, & as they say "Never change a winning game tactic"

how abt a brief review? & some not so old memories =p

let's get started

January

exciting, beautiful, yet very cold =p

once more I raise my "who need's sleep when u've got the Aussie Open?" logo

so finals that went so smoothly .. ell7emdellah

one day that I'll never 4get was when I had my last final exam

Roddick was scheduled to play Djokovic in the Semi Finals .. that was a match I would never miss

woke up at 6 am that day just 2 watch what I can watch

left to the Uni but 4got my heart back at home

& while I was having breakfast, I got some really good news

I remember I was so nervous when I knew this msg was from my Bro

I didn't even want 2 read it, but PinKiya insisted .. she read it & it said

" جوكوفيتش انسحب "

call me crazy .. I didn't believe it
I even hugged her men el.wanasa lol

I still have that msg .. never deleted it

enjoying My very short holiday ... Rafa's efforts finally paid off

an epic Final .. Feddy cried

I might sound evil now =p I loved it

he finally got 2 taste his own medicine

I even have the video saved in my mobile album .. will never delete it lol

but it really was an amazing moment .. just amazing

the match, the quality of tennis, the sportsmanship .. just everything

in short : January was just the right start of the year

I was satisfied on all basis =]

February

not so bad if it wasn't for the "U always start early" Uni thing

I had 2 start the 2nd semester 2 weeks earlier than other colleges .. this sucks I know

I never stopped complaining

I still do

if it wasn't for the national day & liberation day holiday I would I've been dead

starting so early really turned my brain OFF

4 real .. haven't studies like really studied since that spring holiday .. my brain is now starting to work

bs sh3egbah .. b3ad ma 5rabt e.denya =[

March

new subject .. still trying to adapt 2 everything happening all around me

still mentally non-functional

liked only one of my subjects & kinda thought the others where boring

that also kept me alive =p

April

so special as usual ..

bcuz of that one very special person's B-Day

GoSh I love him .. I love having him around

& he didn't eat the cake on his B-Day .. gal la Baba shno B-Day .. there's no such a thing, bs thanx anyway

gal u & the boys eat it all lol

the boys liked the idea
but I warned them .. Nobody touches HIS cake

& he ate it with us the next day .. isn't he a sweetheart?

May

So busy with the Uni .. so many exams

too many deadlines & I still don't feel like studying

will I ever again? dunno =S

RG ... a shocking loss to Soderling .. bust I would B lying if I said that I didn't see this coming

suddenly things r not looking so good 4 Rafa

thank good Roddick survived till the late stages .. dunno what would've happened if he wasn't there .. things would've been so boring

Roger finally winning RG .. not so good 4 an anti-feddy tennis fan like me =[

believe it or not I didn't watch the whole final match .. thought it was too boring for me

Day: Tuesday

Date: May the 26th, 2009

a day 2 remember .. a day full of sweet warm moments that I shall never 4get

success it is =D

I'll hold on 2 these sweet memory till the end of my life, 4 it will make me a better person, remind me of what I can do & what I'm here 2 do =]

June

stress on the way .. watch out!!

exams .. results .. disappointments

& at the end life goes on

July

a nice treat from Roddick in Wimbledon

& once more I see hope .. I saw the same sparkle in his eyes .. the one I saw back in 2003

it was more like the 2003 little kid Roddick, except he was no longer a kid & he was even better

again I believed .. I really did that time

he took it 2 a 5th set .. he was so close .. he gave it all .. yet his efforts came short

one day, I believe, he will left that trophy .. he will B the champion .. with this will .. I know he will

Yes, that was record breaking # 15 for Mr.Federer but

NO WONDER I'M A RODDICK FAN =]

Roddick, u never let me down ..

time 2 celebrate =]

Bro's efforts paid off .. I'll always B proud of my little Bro

all the stress, all the "freaking out" .. it was worth it

& what is better than a family celebration?

driving lessons = horrible days that I'll never 4get

Gosh really awful .. just the memory of it .. aShwa it's behind me now

my tutors = big mouth

aaaaaaaah madri shloOn te7amalt.ha

eventually got my driving licence
&

I officially am a dentistry student =]

August

a lot of thinking

practicing mind gaps

Ramadan + USO = Magic

September

a surprising USO final .. a new champ

a pleasant surprise =]

someone .. someone unique .. leaves our world

heading to better place, I believe

RIP

a wonderful Eid

& back to the Uni =[

October

nothing is the same anymore

everything is so different

the long adaptation process not complete yet

Someone turned 20 =p

November

full of shocks ... bad ones

ppl ... the variation in ppl .. their attitudes their mentalities .. everything .. just keeps on shocking me

but nothing can ruin my month =]

my 19th B-Day followed by the 1st day of Eid

On my day, I realized that no matter how old I get.. in his eyes I'll always B his little girl

December

clouds, rain, & disappointments

finally woke up .. & now I know what I want

& I'll get it inShallah

in 2009 I've changed a bit but I've learned a lot

I've learned to give myself the priority

& I choose 2 B me .. 2 forgive .. 2 take the higher road .. 2 B the better one

I've learned that we all need 2 B selfish & self-centered from time 2 time =p

the last pics from 2009 =p

The weather was super beautiful 2day =]

Happy New Year Everyone

& 2010 .. u better B a good one =p

Final Decision

2009-12-18T00:18:00.001+03:00

I've made up my mind

I can't do this anymore .. it doesn't feel right.. I can't I just can't .. this is so wrong .. so not good, emotionally & psychologically tiring & it doesn't need much thinking to tell whether this is right or not ... it's so not right

I'll do my job .. I'll do it & I won't neglect my studies .. I promise myself 2 study .. I can't continue this sloppy girl attitude .. doesn't work well with me

'9amerey m2anebney cuz I screwed up in my midterms =[ .. this sucks cuz not only did I screw up, I also screwed up BIG TIME .. I never learn my lesson.. I know myself, when I don't feel like it, then I just don't

it's gonna B hard bs I need to do this

InShallah

I'll B the NERD I've always been

being a nerd is the normal thing

-------

sometimes I think that I'm naive

it's either that I'm stupid or ppl r just out of control

it seems like nobody sees things the way I do

nobody values respect 'n principles the way I do

except 4 very few ones

ufffffff .. I don't understand ppl

I hate those who say things without thinking

just say whatever is on their mind

no wait I don't hate 'em ... I despise 'em

I hate rude ppl ..

I mean C'mon .. what happened to being classy & respectful =s ? is it too cliche or what ?

I believe that we all have 2 B well-mannered in each & every situation, that we have 2 treate everyone with kindness & respect

& I believe that we should ALWAYS take the higher road

I actually think that the level of respect u have for others is well nough to define U as a person

ppl have kept on disappointing me lately

& now I've come to the conclusion that they always will

-------

so, 13 days till the new year

WOW !!!

only 13 days

2010 seems nice =p

looking forward 2 it

I think I wanna write a Special Happy new year post

sth like goodbye 2009 & welcome 2010

like last year's ..

Me ..

2009-12-04T18:34:00.002+03:00

I was hurt .. I was so hurt that I couldn't stop crying

I promised myself I wouldn't cry on silly stuff

bs when it hurts .. it hurts so much .. 'n all u can think of is " is this how it feels 2 B stabbed in the back ?"

One thing I know abt myself

I always take it easy .. I never let silly stuff bother me

bs everything has limits .. everything, even my patience

I know that when I wanna talk abt sth, I consider each & every word more than a million time mayB .. & my friends call me crazy for doing this .. they say "just do it .. just say what U have"

but I choose 2 think abt the concequenses .. thinking doesn't take long & is a life savior .. I try as much as possible not 2 overlook this cuz it really matters

I've always Been too afraid to hurt ppl's feelings .. even when I'm right .. even when they're wrong .. even if I'm abt 2 explode I'd never say sth that might hurt them .. Simply bcuz I don't wanna get hurt

& when they attack me .. when they do the stupid things they do .. I try 2 see it differently .. I try to give them some sort of an excuse .. I would always make up excuses 4 them .. abarrer o abarrer o abarrer .. I don't ask " Y ? "

but there is a time .. when no excuse can B found

& the Q remains un answered .. unless U choose 2 ask

A piece of advice :
When U wanna talk ppl, THINK .. THINK .. THINK .. 'n after u've done all of this thinking .. talk

....

o.k, let's get this out of my system .. so .. most PPl don't like me

I've never been normal .. I've always Been a freak

this is how ppl have always seen me

does it hurt ? well, as a child yes .. mayB at times

but I've learned to live with this

hey, I am what I am & I'm not gonna change myself just to fit in
a long time ago I chose to accepts this .. I know like it .. being different is cool .. I now Beilieve that I'm Unique in my own way

& I don't care abt what ppl think abt me .. as long as I'm fine with what I do .. as long as I know I'm doing the right thing

& if a million ppl around the world hated me .. then I'm happy that I have those very few ppl in my life

those who love, cherish, & most importantly respect me

they r enough .. they really R

bcuz they saw [me] .. the real me .. they didn't see me the way everyone else did

They Knew Me ... Me

'n they loved me 4 who I am .. not 4 what I have or what I can give

...

my philosophy abt life says that life is not gonna get any easier & u need to chose the ppl u want in ur life carefully .. U need those who R willing 2 support u .. who will remember u, even when u 4get abt them, & other than these then believe me u don't want

u don't want those who might hurt u .. life is so hard already & U don't really need these in ur life ... U DON'T

...

When I go whining & complaining to Dad, he always says that I still haven't seen a thing of this life

& I never thought its gonna start throwing me with these stuff .. not like this

Aaaaaaaaah

عـيـدكـم مـبـارك ,,

2009-11-27T23:56:00.012+03:00

1st of All

عيدكم مبارك و كل عام و انتو بخير

ينعاد عليكم بالصحه و العافيه يا رب

the weather was so cool 2day , wasn't it ? so Dreamy ... I just loved it

after a enjoying a nice B-Day =]

it was Eid Time .. can Life B any nicer =p ?

Eid day one was cool .. woke up fairly early .. had a nice decent breakfast

a chit chat with one very dear friend

it was cool talking to her .. hearing her voice .. knowing that she's o.k now .. that she can live with this .. that she accepted it as it was .. & she choose 2 move on & live her life .. seize every opportunity & make the best of it

though we're not always in contact .. we have a special relationship, I love having her as a friend .. she's the type of ppl I need in my life .. even when she's distant .. her influence was never anything but POSITIVE .. never less than supportive & enlightening .. she's the kind of ppl each 'n everyone should have in there life .. 2 remind them that life will always go on .. that there will always B good ppl .. I really am thankful 2 have her in my life

She's such a sweetheart .. I've learned so much from her & I still am

so, afterwards I went 2 grandpa's 4 lunch .. & as usual had a blast out there ... I wore a hat & thank God I did cuz it rained

the funny thing is that it wasn't raining heavily, but then when I went out at night I chose not 2 wear on & it did rain .. a lot

I stayed out w/ the kids after dinner ... it's really fun when u watch the rain ..

just have a deep breath .. look at the sky & enjoy the sound of rain

the kids were so funny when I told them that we should B praying now since el.Do3a2 MoStajab when it rains .. one wanted to B smart .. the other wanted to have more money than his sis & so on

I actually cracked up,, they were so cute .. so innocent ..

walla when they wanted a group hug cuz they were cold .. they really funny part is when they started 2 fight over who's gonna get to sit on my lap & I'm like mako sho'3l O_o .. hey guys I'm thin & I can't do this .. bs they never listen .. f89oni

o when we wanted to go back in we got all wet .. bs it was fun & worth it .. at least the part when we were quiet & enjoyed observing the rain & lightening

Definitely a memorable Eid =]

I'm alive

2009-11-25T10:58:00.005+03:00

Yes I am =]

I'm a surviver they said .. & yeah .. I managed to survive

this exam period was totally tiring .. there were times when I wanted time to stop .. stop, just like that .. I wanted a moment for me .. a moment would've been enough .. aaaah it was such a rough time .. Med School is no easy .. Bs Ana Gadha =]

o I didn't do well in my mid-terms .. I didn't study well .. wasn't prepared .. I doubt that I can call what I did studying .. ufff I never learn my lesson

gotta go through some rough times .. Yallah aStaw3eb .. ya3ni lazem at7aSaf

I don't regret doing things though, I regret not doing 'em

...

there was this thing in my mind .. sth the bothered me but I kept postpoding it till I nearly blowed up .. I can't I just can't do this any more .. gotta speak up for myself

I have the habit of keeping things that bother me to me & only me .. probably cuz I don't wanna bother others .. I've realized lately that though I'm not the kind of ppl who complement others, I can not confront the dear ones .. cuz I'm always afraid that I might hurt them .. that I might B too harSh on them

I can't do this anymore .. cuz I'm the only one who's getting hurt ..

it's time to speak up .. it's time to B a little bit selfish

...

2morrow I'll B celebrating my 19th B-Day

19 yrs .. what have I accompliShed ?

Have I made a difference ?

was I one of those who just get in & out of ppl's life without leaving a mark ?

how many ppl have I hurt ?

many questions .. with very few answers

A Piece of Me

2009-10-30T00:32:00.001+03:00

"lying on that bed.. attached to a countless number of machines.. no scratches on his face, neither bruises .. nor cuts .. Simply, no nothing .. except for that head injury.. he looked as if he was peacefully asleep .. surrounded by a blue atmosphere all around .. the smell of fear filling the air .. a room devoid of any sense of life ... this says it all "

and I lied to myself ... and I tried to believe that it wasn't you .. it wasn't you the one laying on that bed with all these machines attached to you .. keeping you alive .. alive for me ...
I tried to convince myself that it's not you .. it's some other guy .. but it didn't work

I didn't wanna come in .. I was afraid of what I might see ..

have you seen the look on my face the moment I entered that room ?I suffocated .. I couldn't breathe .. I was weak .. I fell down in disbelief.. I couldn't believe my eyes .. I thought "it can't be you .. not you my angel"

"you're too good .. bad things happen only to bad people .. & I can't think of one bad thing in you .. you're all good .. so good "

if it wasn't you then why did I break down ? why did the pulse rate go up every time I talked to you ? Did you hear me ? Did you sense my presence ?
& if it was you, then why didn't you answer me ? why didn't you reply to all of my cries ?

& for a whole week .. I lived a lie .. I lived on the hope that I would get a phone call telling me that they made a mistake .. the hope of hearing you're voice one more time kept me alive

I waited & waited & waited

you were clinically dead then .. & a week from the day I entered that room .. YOU left .. YOU left for good & took a piece of my soul with you .. you left ... no come back
YOU left without saying good bye

now .. today .. I still dream of you .. I still wake up scared at night .. I still wait for your calls
& I still love you

& I can't believed how I managed to live all these days without you.. I still wonder how have I made it ? ... I work hard, you know .. thinking that this would fill the empty space in my soul & the big gap in my little heart .. but days have proved that no nothing will help me forget .. that you'll live in me .. & that I'm now, living for you .. & no more for me

Death took you away from me,my friend .. & I regret not saying good bye .. I was too lazy & I didn't know that I wouldn't get another chance to say good bye ..

Today, & everyday since you've left my world .. my only wish was going back in time .. to hug you, hold you tight & never let go
if only I knew, you'd never talk to me again, you'd no longer be mine .. if only I knew

to my consolation,
now, I realize that you don't belong to our world .. you're too good to live in such a world .. you deserve a better place

& no one shall take better care of you more than Allah

My Friend, My Love, My Sweetheart ...
May your soul rest in Peace

That was a page of her life
written by me ..
my words .. from her heart

kindly tell me what do u guys think

I'd appreciate it =]

I always wanted to ..

2009-10-16T23:29:00.006+03:00

So many things I wanna say .. so many things I wanna do , but very little time I have

the Uni is taking over my Life .. so many lectures, so many studies, essay 'n research paper

& the worst part is getting sick .. Gosh it's so tiring already & getting sick doesn't make it any better .. ell7emDellah I do feel much better now

As usual, the only good thing in my week was the field visit .. really learned a lot & it was really fun watching them cut ppl's gums' .. take off their teeth ..

I especially loved it when we went to the Surgical Section .. 7adda cool

o I don't think I'll ever think of Pedo for my major .. I don't get along with kids already .. my bad past experience with dentists as a child probably prevents me from being a pedodontist, Some PPl find it really weird the fact that I really wanna B a dentist & that I actually love it .. considering my history with dentists

I guess I just don't want ppl to go through what I have been through ..

I'm invited to a wedding 2morrow ... Guess What ??!!

I'm not going lol

though I thought I was out of excuses ... it turned out I'm not

I've got a bunch of good ones

I'm sick & I'm starting to recover

what's the thing u always dreamed of .. u always wanted, & u know u know won't get it ?

for me, I always wanted to B tall =p *silly isn't it ?*

I never liked being short .. I hate standing next to the boys =[ faShlaaa

they always make fun of me .. 'n one of my cousins is so very tall MaShallah, when he stands next to me he goes like "aren't u gonna grow ? ever ?"

I tried everything .. just bcuz I wanted to B taller .. I even started the habit of drinking milk everyday *abt 5 or 6 yrs ago* & I'm not a big fan of milk .. bs mako fayda .. it's not meant to B =[

it seems that our inner desires always seek what's in the hands of others

I know I'll always wish that I was taller .. bs ell7emdellah .. I have pretty much everything I ever wanted, except for this & I guess, this satisfies me

I want it back

2009-10-08T16:03:00.014+03:00

I'm not happy with my current situation ... I really hate this but gotta admit that my Arabic is fading away .. I've noticed this a while ago .. tried 2 4get abt it .. ignore it .. but then realized this is not gonna solve the problem =]

My Arabic is really fading away .. just like that .. dunno is it bcuz of school 'n the fact that we study everything in EngliSh .. maybe it's Bcuz I've stopped reading good creative Arabic .. last time was probably back when I was in High School .. Not good I know =$

I hate it like this .. I really do .. My Arabic was so good .. really good

That other day I felt like doing crosswords & I couldn't .. who thought this could happen to me

GoSh I stopped doing them cuz they were too easy & now I can't even solve a decent one ..

lately, I've found my self in situations when I'm out of words "in Arabic" .. doesn't feel good

want my Arabic back

One word can describe this .. Horrible .. totally Horrible ='[

I feel awful when I look back at the way things were .. my writings .. I was so Good .. Aaaahh .. most of my teachers admired my style & thought I would have a good future in writing

Well, I guess, Not any more ='[

I guess I'm gonna go back to my old habit of going through the Dictionary

U ppl may find this weird but I really love the dictionary .. at times I think of Kuwaiti words like old Kuwaiti .. o I go look 'em up in the dictionary .. O many of them r surprisingly there, with pretty much the same meaning, the one we use

& maybe I 'll read some good Arabic books .. maybe .. I'm not sure abt this, if I do have the time then InShallah I will .. can't live like this .. Really Need my Arabic back .. I can't even think of many synonyms for a word =$

....

Can't believe it's the weekend already

the best part of the week was our Field visit .. Ya 7lwey o ana Dentist =$ .. I would make one hell of a dentist =p MaShalla 3lai So professional *need 2 show off 4 a while =p*

I'm the cutest Dentist on Planet Earth =p

....

Pics from here 'n there :

Dental lab

Storage Room =p

it feels totally amazing 2 B sitting on the dentist's chair rather than the Patient's =p

As I was going out of the Uni this afternoon , I noticed this huge cloud of smoke .. guess the building is on fire
Hopefully nobody got hurt

Back 2 School

2009-10-03T17:58:00.002+03:00

Aaaaaah .. I'm so tired ..

Never ever likes School in my whole life & I doubt I ever will ='[
I'm still trying to adjust & get used to everything

this past week was very tiring although we didn't have much lectures .. but phase 2 is nothing like phase 1 .. the content of some of the lectures shocked me a bit .. Allah YeSahhel...

next week is gonna B a very hectic one .. we'll start our English lectures & the # of lectures will increase as we go on .. we'll also have a Field visit

+ a major problem I'm facing is

Food

ambaih we have pretty much nothing good in our Uni Cafeteria .. kella uneatable =p .. either fast food or food that doesn't taste good & makes me sick .. this is the last thing I need cuz my diet is bad already =[
chan zain I can get my lunch from home with me everyday

3ad eating is not my Fav hobby .. bs gotta eat 2 survive =p
4 God's Sake we R in Med School .. We need healthy food

.....

u know how I was complaining abt kids that other day .. well, I'm proud 2 tell u that I managed to control 'em & not the opposite yesterday .. felt good lol

they usually use their innocent childish smiles to get what they want.. & believe me they're so good at it .. but I fought back lol
I managed things the way I wanted 2 without upsetting them .. this is a real accomplishment, I'm proud of myself .. eee o I got them things 2 keep them busy from using my stuff lol .. it worked .. I actually brought old pics of them .. they didn't recognize themselves .. they were so cute

.....

P.S. : might not update 4 a while .. depending on how busy I am =]

Asnan Clinic

2009-09-26T03:12:00.002+03:00

a couple of weeks ago I went 2 Asnan Clinic with KDSS, it was really awesome .. we had fun & learned a lot .. Thank God, I decided 2 go at the very last minute ..it definitely was not at all a waste of time

Gotta admit that I was really impressed by everything .. the decoration of the clinic .. the reception .. & definitely , the mentalities of the Doctors

I really admire those docs who managed to make their idea come true in a short time o they very wisely used the time they had to advertise for it even B4 starting their business , in addition to the fact they're still trying to stay up to date with the latest developments in the field of dentistry .. 'n the fact that u can totally feel the team spirit is very admirable

Such talented successful Doctors .. such Great role models for Kuwaiti Youth

Dr. Essa AL-Essa along with Dr.Hadi Al-Safar kindly, talked to us abt the clinic , how the idea grew, & then took us in a tour around the clinic

what I liked the most was the attention they showed .. I could tell how important it is to satisfy the patient .. it was obvious they really cared abt their patients comfort .. they thought abt every little detail ... the decoration .. the lighting .. the decoration of each clinic & the fact that each doc got to decorate his clinic the way he wanted it 2 B is fascinating .. What an idea !!

So, most of the girls likes Dr.Hadi's Clinic More than Dr.Essa's .. but I thought Dr.Essa's clinic was cool .. liked Dr.Hadi's 2 .. but Dr.Essa's clinic was classy 'n simple .. I thought the accessories were eye-catching .. So, My vote goes 2 Dr.Essa's clinic

Dr.Essa said that their goal was to bring a piece of the States here in Kuwait & I honestly think they're coming close to making this a reality .. Such a nice clinic .. & a great competent reliable team of doctors

U guys should B really proud of ur selves

.....

Once I was out of the clinic, I thought "I wanna B like them" then I went on "No, I wanna B even better"

I'm trying

2009-09-24T02:06:00.006+03:00

I wanna talk & talk 'n talk .. gotta take this off my chest

So, Bear with me Plz

I went to a ladies gathering yesterday .. I was forced to go actually =[

it was fine .. not so boring .. not so much fun

I really I'm trying to socialize but it's not as easy as some PPl might think .... I really suffer .. I don't like meeting new ppl .. I was on silent mode pretty much the whole time =[ & then I started texting my friends lol .. who knew mobiles could B life savers =p

I decided I would never go to any gathering anymore .. bs 5laaaa9 ='[ .. I can't .. I don't wanna go cuz I know I won't enjoy .. o then I'm gonna B upset bcuz I wasted my precious time .. Y don't they understand me .. they want me 2 change this habit & I totally refuse .. Y change it when it suites me ?? I like myself the way I am .. I don't wanna meet new ppl .. Mabeee .. I know enough ppl already .. they're like "we're forcing u 2 come with us cuz U gotta get used to the situation .. u gotta get rid of this habit .. o it's o.k .. they won't bite u"

it's really weird .. what's so much fun abt being stuck in the same place with so many ppl u don't know =S ?? making friends ?? I'm not interested .. I have enough of them

This is a final decision .. No means No ... No more ladies stuff .. can't handle these things

3ad I was thinking MayB .. MayB .. since we have a couple of wedding coming up & I gotta go cuz I can't miss 'em for what ever reason o also cuz I'm kinda out of excuses *if u know any good ones .. hit me =p* .. I thought o.k I'm gonna give it a try .. gonna wear make-up, dress like a young lady & attend .. bs now I'm having second thoughts ... the last wedding I've been 2 I nearly cried out of boredom .. was really bored .. so .. I dunno =\

.
.

that other day I was so bored, so I decided I'm gonna tidy one of my drawers .. O man was I shocked !!

ambaih o_O

I found all sort of unbelievable things .. things that go back to the time when I was in intermediate school .. ambaih so many old stuff
I happen to B the kind of PPl who never throws anything aways, for everything has got a special memory .. everyone think I'm crazy .. but so what .. I love my things & I can't throw 'em away no matter how silly they R ... I love memories

I found so many things including My speech 4 my intermediate school graduation ceremony ...

& Believe it or not, I found ..

Daddy's Checkbook ... Lol.

I said I would make some cookies o I did

'n these Go to Hanan =p

Eid .. Day One

2009-09-21T00:41:00.005+03:00

OMG !! OMG!! thie 3eed is totally madree Shloon 9ayer =s

some how wierd, special, different, but still Fun

the day part was just awsome ,as usual , just amazing .. I loved loved loved it

woke up a little late cuz I went to bed at like 5:30 am or sth .. drank my milk so very quickly o joined the boys & Dad ..

talked talked & talked

then I got ready & we went to grandma's .. 7adda wanaSa .. totally enjoyed it

eee o I just realized that what I was wearing for 3eed is so very similar to a scrub lol .. really chenna scrub with a blazer on top .. bs surprisingly nobody noticed except 4 me =s

& then it was night time

a totally different story

I actually wore a dress & high heels at night "so not like me" it took me a while to manage to walk like a sane human being .. el7emdellah I didn't fall bs just as I went in Grandpa's I did the stupidest thing I've done this month .. I kissed my uncles o then I was heading to kiss grandpa o a guy was sitting next 2 him o men el.3yellah I didn't look 3adel o I thought he was my uncle so I leaned forward shock hands .. O nearly kissed the guy .. OMG faShlaaaaaaaaa ..

the guy literally te9arga3 when I leaned forward o was totally shocked .. bs aShwa I realized that he wasn't my uncle o I didn't kiss him .. ambaih ell7emdellah wallah I would've called Dad o went straight home men kether el.FaShlaaah

o I'm not blaming my self, No .. kella men el.dress, high heels thing .. Ya3ni what's wrong with what I was wearing in the morning .. comfy, elegant, o totally like me

b3ad,, GoSh I gotta say this .. I don't like kids .. de3la ones .. I totally don't

my things were literally all over the place .. my cam with one child .. my mobile with the other .. the 3rd one sticking his hand in my bag o the forth holding my hand saying "entai laish th3eeefa .. wayed wayed th3eefa =\ ? ma takleen ?!?"

Ya3ni how can I answer the kid's Q o my heart is with my Digi Cam o my mobile .. especially enna my lil cousin 3ndaha SwaBe8 .. marra she nearly sent my pic to a colleague ..

I really need lessons in dealing with de3la 7nna kids .. cuz ambaih they're so spoiled .. bSer3a Yez3loon

my Sis is like "B firm" haw shloon firm o_O !! they're just kids =S I can't upset them

o one Special person came .. I missed him =* .. I loved the look in his eyes .. I loved his warm kisses

at some point the place was so crowded .. so many PPl .. many I don't know .. I felt a bit uncomfortable

& I tried really tried so hard to avoid kissing & hugging PPl .. bs el.7areem ma menhom fayDaaa .. PPl I barely know kissing me +6 ... GoSh =/

Ya 7elo el.Reyayel bs .. 1 .. Max. 2 kisses

o they talked abt 3li .. they knew him ... Allah Yer7mah o yenawer Gabrah

self admonition : a dress + high heels = not so good =[

I promised I would post pics .. bs I don't have good ones bcuz my cam & my mobile were with the kids .. really sorry, but

here's one Good pic :

عيدكم مبارك ,,

2009-09-20T01:14:00.004+03:00

it's 3eeD time .. Yay

I love love love 3eeD .. it's a very special time & I totally love it & I always enjoy it

I love it when my Dad & the boys wake up for el.3eeD's Prayer o then the come back o have breakfast .. 7adda Fun =]

I wanna wake up early 2morrow .. not so early .. like every 3eed Dad is gonna wake me up at 8 & I'm gonna beg him to give me more time .. b3dain akSer 5a6rah o he'll let me sleep till 9 or 10 =p

& 4 Breakfaxt .. I'm currently craving for corn flakes ...

gonna take lots & lots of pics 2morrow InShallah =D

I'm so happy =D

3eed spirit all over the place

عيدكم مبارك و تقبل الله طاعتكم

كل عام و انتو بخيـــر

Outpouring

2009-09-15T02:26:00.005+03:00

Y do PPl care abt other's opinion so much ?

Does it really matter ? seriously =S ?

I really find this weird, probably bcuz what ppl say doesn't really make much of a difference to me

a long time ago I decided not to care abt what PPl think abt me, the opinion of very few ppl was what really mattered .. & regarding the others,whatever they're gonna say .. let them say it .. as long as u know U're doing the right thing .. let them say whatever they wanna say

I'm happy 2 say that PPl can no more hurt me with their words ..

when u rise above, when u act like the better one

it wouldn't matter, neither hurt

Don't let what ppl say affects u .. B strong ..

Y B influenced when U can B influential ?

Y follow the trend when U can make ur own ?

& if u ever listen to what they're saying abt u
then when you do, take the Good & leave the bad for them

Take the positives & leave the negative
take constructive criticism with good spirit & think abt it seriously
the Negative one .. U better block it out .. cuz it's not sth u need in ur system

One more thing,
don't let the premonition of what PPl might say hold you back

Do the thing because u wanna do them, live a new experience because U feel you need to
live ur liFe for yourself .. live it on ur own terms .. & make sure U make ur own rules

What's life worth when U don't live it for yourself ?
Remember, it's ur life .. ur journey .. ur ride

...

When U do sth, Do it for ur self & not PPl
it wouldn't B worth doing if u did it for PPl & not U

Y am I saying all of this =\ ?

it's bcuz PPl have been persistently mentioning an issue .. sth I should go ahead & do .. a decision they think I should make

& it's not that I don't wanna do it .. it's just that I still don't feel comfortable abt the idea .. I feel I still need time .. this is a very BIG decision & it's gonna change my life amazingly .. it's gonna change every aspect of my life

gotta think abt it a lot .. I wanna do it, I really do .. But I wanna Do it [right]

I don't want it to B one of those decisions that I might regret at some point in my life .. I know I won't regret it .. bs still it's a very BIG decision & I can't just do it like this .. when I do this I wanna B 100% sure .. I need to B ..

I used to say "I'm too young, I still am a little girl "
Unfortunately for me

now, Age is no longer a valid excuse

Bottom Line : when I do this I wanna Do it 4 [ME]

He Left Our World

2009-09-13T00:28:00.010+03:00

it really is fascinating how silly ur life sometimes seems when u hear the news abt some one's death ..

Sometimes, not even that close ..

Yes, PPl die every every day, every minute & every second

but when u know the whole story .. from A to Z .. when u've known someone so dear who went through a very similar experience

U can not feel other than how naught you are

& u think ... "Aaaahh .. I'm such a silly spoiled little girl"

more than a year ago he was diagnosed with lymphoma "lymph nodes cancer"

he smiled & said "nice, a new experience"

he wanted 2 B the one to deliver the news to his sister .. he told her with a smile on his face & she just couldn't believe it ..

she thought he was joking, unfortunately ... he wasn't

she asked : "aren't U afraid?"

& his answer was : " afraid .. afraid of what ? Death? No, I haven't done anything wrong & I love Allah .. & if I do die, hopefully I'll go to Heaven"

&
2day he died .. he said his goodbyes
he left our world for good

May his soul rest in peace .. he was such a great example of a nice Kuwaiti, Muslim young man

اللهم اغفر لـ علي و ارحمه و ثبته عند السؤال .. اللهم آمين

اللهم اجعله ممن قلت فيهم :
( ويطاف عليهم بآنية من فضة وأكواب كانت قواريرا , قواريرا من فضة قدروها تقديرا , ويسقون فيها كأساً كان مزاجها زنجبيلاً, عيناً فيها تسمى سلسبيلا )

ironically, it's my Bro's B-Day 2day

& I can not imagine losing any of my Brothers .. I can' imagine the loss of someone dear

that would kill me ... would literally kill me

[Break] me into little pieces

الله يحفظهم و يـخـلـيـهم لــي

My Passion

2009-09-04T04:48:00.003+03:00

My Passion 4 sports has no limits ....

I'm willing to skip a wedding, a B-Day party, girls gathering & pretty much all kind of silly things for the sake of a match .. Yes I would & I've done it So many times =$

Some PPl find it really weird, how attached I am 2 sports , especially cuz I'm a girl... they would go like "hey, R U sure ur a GIRL"

I find this so silly & I can not believe that narrow minded PPl with such mentalities still live amongst us .. Honestly, it's shameful to have such mentalities in our society .. for sports is & will never B limited to a certain gender ..

o Ba3dain Y shouldn't I B a sport maniac ... as long as it makes me happy ؟

Sport makes a very important part of me ... somehow, it made me who I am 2day … U really do learn a lot of things abt life by just following a couple of sports or sth

I can't believe that there's anyone who doesn't love sports .. I really find this hard to believe

I believe that at some point in ur Life ... u must have fallen in love with the magical world of sports ... I believe that somewhere deep inside each one of us ... there must B a place where u'll find sports .. if not a sport itself .. then the love of competition

& 2 those who're gonna say that they're not interested … C'mon PPl .. those athletes are making HISTORY … wouldn't u wanna witness that ?

As far as for me, I'm really thankful to have been born in this Era .. to witness the highest quality of sports … I'm thankful because I'm able to witness such high class tennis … I've watched matches that have been labeled as the best matches in the history of the Game, I really can't ask 4 more ?

Y3nii .. I wanna live to tell that I've witnessed this kind of matches

if ur not a fan of sports .. let me tell u this :

U R missing a lot

in sports U'll experience the purest human feelings at their highest intensity I Do know that U'll never experience such feelings else where
in sports u'll witness excellence & grace
U'll observe players at there very best & worst at their highest & lowest moments .. U'll get 2 c them as Human beings just like u .. no more than human beings
this is a really different kind of experience ... no play or movie will B an equal of a match .. not in my terms at least cuz a play or a movie ... this is act we're talking abt .. usually so far from reality .. but a match is real life .. sth 4 real .. always a great lesson
Yes, U'll cry .. 'n u'll B depressed at times

but U know what !!!
that's all worth it ... it really is
U'll only know that , when U experience the joy & happiness of victory
the day ur team or player is the victor
just then, U'll realize that those tears where all worth it
it really is sweet ... the taste of victory ... worthy of all the tears in the world, worthy of every time u ever felt Blue

4 a few second u'll feel like floating
u'll B surrounded by the clouds
'n the best part is when u get that sensation
the sensation that tickles ur heart
& draws the biggest Smile on ur Face

I swear ... no where will u experience such feelings .. no where .. I know .. I believe
I experienced this feeling & u really don't wanna miss such thing ... aaaaah I miss those days .. I'll wait for them .. they r worth all the waiting .. all the setbacks 'n everything .. they really r

the time will come, this tourney or the other, as long as I know it will come
I Shall wait
if not 2day then 2morrow .. if not then .. the next day
……
everything abt me is somehow related 2 sports,in a way or another, I remember that back in high school when it's composition time in our Arabic class I would always B the one who read her's 1st .. I always stick sports some where in my writings lol

the girls were like "oh Not again" .. the last thing I wrote was a page of my diaries .. I didn't even have to think abt it .. I already knew what it was gonna B abt & I started writing .. it was abt the day Roddick lost 2 Federer once more .. it goes back to the 06' US Open Final
man that was one hec of a match ... so I read it .. the girls were complaining at the beginning & the teacher asked them to give it a shot & listen ... once I finished .. I got a cool wave of applause .. that was cool considering the fact that they're not really into tennis .. not even sports in the 1st place & since then ... they've never stoped asking me .. "how's that American guy ? we really do feel for him .. haven't he beaten the Swiss Guy yet ? "

I wiSh I could get my hand on that piece of paper .. If I had it I would've posted it =p

I know that by now some of u might think that I'm crazy ... well, I might B ... Crazy abt Sports

Bottom Line : Sports is All abt Passion, Will, & Desire .

Tennis Time =D

2009-08-30T18:56:00.008+03:00

it's Andy's B-Day 2 day ... this Also means that it's TENNIS TIME =D

The 2009 US Open is gonna start off 2morrow with a bunch of Great matches + Agassi is gonna attend the opening ceremony =D .. the next couple of weeks r gonna B hectic ... I really want them 2 B just like back in 2003 .. I adored the Open that year .. so much intensity o speculation .. Simply loved it

'n Who needs Sleep when U've Got the US Open =p ?

Through the past 6 years the last GS of the year became my Fav =D .. Yes, Wimbledon is Special but I think the US Open is my all time Fav ...

Can the American Boy bring back 2003's memories ? Can he Win his 2nd GS title ? I believe he can .. I really do

He can bring back the "Wow" performance ? well , He's in good shape and coming off a gutsy Wimbledon effort .. I sure am he wants another GS trophy more than anything else ..

Or, is Rafa gonna complete his GS set by winning the title in Flushing Meadows ?

Let's not 4get that the New Daddy "Roger Federer" might have other plans =p

I really wanna C either the American or the Spaniard lifting the trophy .. No place 4 the Swiss *Never liked him =p*

Gonna B routing 4 Andy, Rafa, The Williams Sisters, & Kim Clijsters

I think I don't wanna Drive anymore .. just the thought of it makes me feel blue .. I hate it .. I told everyone that it's not sth that I'm gonna ace .. I don't wanna learn .. I just don't want 2

One day I drive really good , the next day I hit the pavement =$

I suck ... I'm such a Bad driver ='(

'n Yeah I made some brownies ... So tasty =D

what's next ? cup cakes & cookies InShallah .. NamShey 3la 5o6a Tom Tom =p

Blah Blah Blah

2009-08-19T19:17:00.006+03:00

I happen 2 B the type of PPl who can't stop thinking, not even 4 a second .. & Yes, I Do think way too Much .. I over analyze things & try 2 c Things from every possible angle , I like 2 get 2 know all possible meaning of a word ... it's nice , But it can B really tiring Sometimes, it seems Like I Can't stop thinking
I wiSh I had a turn off button that would B really helpful
Ya3ni there must B one .. bs I can't seem 2 find it ... it's like My mind is taking over my life
So, Since I've been reading "The Power of Now" one of the chapters is about how 2 free urself from ur mind .. it says that U & ur mind are two separate entities ..

So as u go on reading .. it kinda gives u clues abt how to have what they call mind gaps .. silent moments in ur mind .. I tried it & it worked 4 a while .. but it takes more practice to Ace it

This Book have been very useful, But I decided I'm gonna stop reading it 4 a while cuz I think it's playing with my mind lol
I really don't wanna turn off my Mind & then lose my way 2 the ON button lol .. that would B horrible
after all, I Need 2 think & I love it .. gotta admit I'm addicted to it ... I like it .. ell7emdellah it's an advantage most of the time

..........................

what the hec is wrong with PPl =s

seriously, is "being rude" the new trend or habba O_o ?

in the Uni ... with some colleagues ... uhh .. pretty much everywhere

what's up with everyone ??!! what happened 2 being nice & respecting one another

PPl keep on shocking me .. Ya3ni 4 God's sake can't u live with out the use of such offensive words

if it's o.k with you then at least try to respect others' feelings, tarra not everyone is like u .. o not everyone is used 2 hearing such bad words every now & then

Y3ni some girls really shock me ... so sweet 'n nice bs OMG !! don't listen 2 them when they talk .. Ya3ni don't they know enna the way they act reflects their background ?

ufffffff

I'm disgusted

Behave PPl ... Behave ... Plz

..........................

I've pretty much postponed everything till after 3eed .. everything .. routine check up , blood tests o also the chickenpox vaccine

I haven't got the disease Yet ... o since we're gonna have hospital visits next year, I totally don't wanna B at risk lol

I've been told enna when u get it when ur old it's gonna B nasty .. So I'm thinking "No, thank u .. I guess I'll take the vaccine"

it's also bcuz I'm gonna get some other vaccines next year for hepatitis & meningitis I guess, So Y not get this one .. Don't wanna g down with it

now here's the problem, Daddy doesn't want me to get the chickenpox vaccine =s Y ? I really don't know .. he just said No

but since I happen 2 B a very persuasive person I'm gonna persuade him O mali sh'3l .. I'm gonna do the dramatic act o go like "u wanna lose me 4 such a silly disease ?"

I've got a whole month to convince him =p & I'll make the most of it

I'm craving for some brownies with vanilla ice cream & cookies

wanna make some =p

..........................

#4

ما بقى شي على رمضان

So,

مبارك عليكم الشهر و كل عام و انتو بخير

ينعاد عليكم بالصحه و العافيه يا رب

..........................

*Pics*

ehdaa2 from 7abebti Um 5aZ3al ... a5er 3omrey 9ert Om 3ntar lol

Yummy ... Yummy

Pizza anyone =p ?

My Super Hero

2009-08-14T14:12:00.002+03:00

Dear You,

did I ever tell u how secure & safe I feel when I'm with u ?

Did I ever tell U how much I love, adore, & admire u

I love the way u hug me .. I love ur warm kisses ...

I love my day when I wake up on the sound of ur voice

'n ... ur sweet giggles .. they're my Fav =p

When I think abt the Good things in my life, ur Pic comes up on the top of the pile for u r the secret behind everything good & sweet in my life =]

of all men who have been in & out of my life, u stands out, for u are one very special man. A man of principles, a man with a great sense of humor & a lot of love, warmth & patience. Fact is, No Body *& I really mean No Body* in this world would tolerate my actions & stand my continues interference other than u ... U're always there & u always listen with so much care .. others can't even pretend 2 B listening

I love, love & love talking 2 u, discussing issues with u, being around u, & learning from u.

I love having ur DNA =] Wallah I Do .. I got all the Good genes

I love the fact that u exist in each & every cell of mine, The Fact that U live in me =D
have a walk in my little heart & u'll find the word Daddy written on each wall =p

U raise me up ... U make me a better person .. U make me feel I'm worthy

with u, I'm much stronger ..

With u, I'm someone I can only B with U

I'm not saying all of this just bcuz U're my Daddy 'n I'm ur little girl

No, it's far beyond that ... What I've seen in u is more that just a Man .. when I look in ur eyes I see a gentleman, a loving father & brother, a good friend, a humanitarian, a man with a big heart & most importantly .. a Family Man =D

Daddy, I've tried my whole life to B like u .. but later on I realized that no matter what I do or how hard I try I'll never B like u .. cuz Great PPl like u can not B copied .. but only taken as role models

U know & I've told u a million time that no man can compete with u , No man on the Face of earth

I've got some very high standards, that the man I'm gonna fall for has got 2 B like u ... & I'm sure I'll never find this guy .. cuz U my dear are one of a kind ... No man will ever come close to ur toe's nail , U r the greatest gift of God

in my eyes U R so perfect .. so flawless

With u, I feel happy, safe & secure.. Ur Faith in me makes me believe in my dreams.. u push me forward .. U've always helped me reach for my dreams .. U've given me ur shoulder to stand on .. to reach for My dreams
U've always Been there for me , in the good & bad , when I'm weak or strong .. U're always there

I Love U
...

I love u for u will always accept me ... for U'll accept me as I am, U won't change a thing in me

I love u 4 u'll always find a way 2 forgive me

I love u cuz U'll always B proud of me , even if I under achieve

I love u cuz U'll always believe in me & support me

U make me feel like I'm the best in this world ..

Sometimes, it seems like ur the only one who truly understands me 'n cares for me, how many times have I cried on ur shoulders ?? millions of times ...

it's unbelievable how good I feel when I'm with u, U do magic Daddy

U manage 2 make me smile when no body can

U make me feel better even when I'm sick, u stay right next 2 me till I fall asleep

it have been 18 yrs now & I can't think of a time u've ever forced me 2 do sth I don't wanna do , u're always there 2 rescue me =p U R my Super Man ... U've never let anyone force me 2 do sth I don't wanna do .. sth U knew I wouldn't enjoy doing

U R my "person"

U R the One person I trust on my life ... I trust U, just as much as u trust me on ur inner most secrets ... Thank u 4 ur trust Daddy, I promise won't let u down

Thanks 2 U Daddy .. I am who I am .. a very confident successful girl

U Raised me up so well, u taught me to stand up for my principles & beliefs .. 'n I'll always do, just like u

Daddy, I love u unconditionally ..

I'm proud 2 Be ur Daughter, I'm proud 2 carry ur name =D

I'll always look up to U

U R My Man , My Super Hero, My Best Friend, My Secrets' Keeper, My Wonder man .. U R MY Dad =D

Urs,

Hope

This Week =p

2009-08-05T21:25:00.006+03:00

don't u just love goin' out with friends .. I'm not really into going out with friends .. bs now I really like it

On Sunday I went out with my friends .. it was amazing & we definitely had a blast .. went to a movie, had late lunch at chili's & then had a wonderful walk on the beach
The girls took off their shoes o had a walk .. they liked the feeling of the sand on their feet ''I definitely didn't" I'm not this type .. dunno maybe I'll walk on the beach with my bare feet next time .. mayB

I wanted 2 write sth abt 2-8-1990 but really wasn't able 2 express my feelings .. I was & I still am out of words all I can Say is

We'll never forget
& as far as 4 me .. I don't think I'll ever B able to 4give

it takes a big heart & a strong will 2 B able 2 4give such outrageous action

2 those Who supported the Fair Case of Kuwait & Sacrificed their lives
& 2 those who died fighting for the freedom of Kuwait
Thank U ... from the bottom of our hearts .. Thank U
I can not think of way 2 pay U ppl back

...

o Yesterday was FahoDii & WahaBii's B-Day .. they R big boys now

we surprised Fahad o he totally freaked out at the beginning .. Gosh u should've seen his face he came in & then walked out lol

bs it was great .. we all had fun & took a lot of pics

Happy B-Day FahoDii

Happy B-Day Wahab

May All ur WiShes Come True Guys =]

...oo...

2day I was brave o I did one very crazy thing

well, I haven't been feeling well lately, 3la Golat Dad "kella men Gelta el.akel" madree LaiSh he pretty much blames food 4 everything bad that happens 2 me =S
I'm starting to freak out .. a5af feeney shay chayed , So ...

I actually decided 2 do a blood test "I know I'm gonna freak out o regret making such decesion the moment they're sucking my blood out & I'm gonna make a scene I know bs I have 2 do this"

..oo..

Snap shots :

A walk 2 remember =p

I never ever finish up my meal .. Y ? Madree

He's Now 8 yrs old =]

..oo..

همسه : اللهم اشفي مرضانا و مرضى المسلمين

ايــام الـمـاريـنـز ...Divan Review

2009-07-26T23:18:00.014+03:00

Since I promised Tom Tom that I'm gonna write a review about Divan "أيــام الـمـاريـنـز" or "The Days of The Marines", here's One =p

First of all, this may mean nothing to those who are really into poetry .. since I'm not really that into Arabic poems except for the pure Arabic ones 'n not the local types .. O alSo cuz I'm far much more interested in EngliSh Poetry

& I know that this Review might B too late , but I have a good excuse .. this Divan was 1st published in 1992, back then I was only 2 yrs Old & there's no way I could've written a review about it back then =p

Some may argue that I'm not qualified 2 write such review .. but u know what !! that's just my opinion ..this is how I see it & u don't really have 2 agree, and I quote "Honest disagreement is often a good sign of progress." -Mohandas Gandhi .

I'm not gonna be so picky, for this is the 1st review I write about a Divan =p

Enjoy ....

The Author of "أيــام الـمـاريـنـز" is Dr. Zafer AL-Ajmi . "أيــام الـمـاريـنـز" ,or if I may say "The Days of The Marines", consists of 28 poem in 69 pages, ranging in length from intermediate to Short .

The Author presented his poems in a way that seems 2 B more like some one's writing his diaries *I could B wrong about this one, Since I always seem 2 understand stuff upside down =s*, preceding pretty much each poem with a date & a brief description of the situation or the story behind the poem itself .

One of the things I liked about the poems in this Divan is that once u read a poem or two you'll definitely B able 2 tell that this poet has got a military background.he used some military terms & often mentioned weapons' names here & there.

I dunno if this is usual in Local "folk" poetry, but I liked it .. it makes it special & unique .

As you go through this Divan you'll realize that this is the poetry of a man who feels he has been betrayed .. a man who is longing 2 land a foot in his country .. a man who so badly wants 2 take a role in regaining his country's stolen freedom

The words were written with such simplicity, yet with grace & purity, through which the poet managed to say so much & describe some very profound principles & deep feelings

in his poem, titled "ليلة الهجوم البري" he says :

لا تسل عن همومي يا رفيق السلاح دام باكر بلدنا ندخل حدودها

أنا طفلٍ بليل العيد و ابطى الصباح كيف تهنا البشر ذا الليل برقودها

أتحرى عمود الصبح لامنه لاح و أرجفت جبهة التحرير برعودها

I have to admit, I very much liked this part .. he very nicely managed to express a very exquisite feeling ... I find this part very touching

though I like most of the poems in this Divan, I'm not so fond of the titles of the poems .. dunno .. Ya3ni though the poems are laden with a lot of feelings ranging from anger to bitterness & longing, I thought the titles of the poems were very devoid of feelings & found them rather cold =s

.. pretty much the exact opposite of the poems themselves .

"قائد قوات التحرير الكويتية"

Nothing against anyone but it's just that I don't like such poems .. I have a certain perspective about them

In General, I think that the talent of poetry have been exploited too much throughout ages .. especially in our Arab world & that is especially in the arena of praise & diatribe, because such poems may be subject to the poet's own passion & inclination ... it's so hard to be objective

& sometimes I have doubts about how honest is what is in front of me .. so I'd rather avoid such poems instead of getting in a conflict with my thoughts about whether 2 Believe it or not .. whether it expresses true pure feelings or just compliments & flattery, for poetry can sometimes be so tricky making things that are not, as though they were

And I know that some of you could argue that when you deepen in the words & between the lines .. you'll manage to feel it .. you'll feel it if it's true & is exuding from the heart .

for instance, in the author's poem "معركة جوية" I feel that he's probably proud of his fellow countryman .. it's not like he's just complimenting his pal's nicely done mission

If you're not familiar with some Bedouin words *dunno if I can call 'em bedouin =s * .. just like me .. you're gonna need ur dictionary nearby

One more thing .. I'm pretty sure I found very few spelling mistakes, & I blame the editors for missing some very obvious ones

this is one of them :Proud American Trough Reade Nees In Our Tomorrow

Should've been like this :Proud American Through Readiness in Our Tomorrow =p

After all, I did enjoy reading every word for it carries pure passion & will .. I mostly liked the description, feeling, memory & rhyme =]

Finally, This Divan is highly recommended for it documents some of the happenings during The Iraqi Invasion of Kuwait & 1st Gulf war .. the happiest & the saddest moments in the eyes of a Kuwaiti citizen .. a Kuwaiti soldier

as for the Kuwaitis who witnessed the Iraqi Invasion of Kuwait, I bet that some of the words in this Divan will enter into your soul & strike you as a wording of your own thoughts & feelings .. phrases that express what you might have felt back then ...

Rating :7/10

I'll leave you with some of the best things I read in this Divan …

الــدخــان

كنا بذرا الدخان باطراف الكويت و باقصى المدى بانت حدود المدينه
عشت الغضب و الحزن و بشوق حسيت وشعور من حطوا مناه بيدينه
بثورة عواطف ما لها حد مريت (و من فارق الخلان الله يعينه)
العرفج العطشان اسقوه بالزيت و الرمل وجناته شحوب حزينه
و الطير ضيع في الظلام المواقيت عند الضحى باعشاشها مستكينه
ياغلى بلد عهدي به اليوم اوفيت الخوف راح انتي بايدي أمينه

I love .. love love this last part in bold .. Bravo Dr.Zafer

in "على حدود الوطن" he says :

قصف يشتتهم مثل ثاير الريش يشيب منه اللي بسن الفطامي
و اصف باقيهم بطابور تفتيش و اشغل الرشاش ذبحن قوامي

& from My Favorite "المذن التالي" :

شواطئ الجبيل تهيض المغرم الولهان و ذكرت الكويت و باح ما كان في بالي
اهوجس علام الوقت تكدر علينا و شان بسوق الخساير دافعين الثمن غالي
تفاكير تغرق قابت الراي كالطوفان و من سج عن داره فلاهوب رجالي
قطع حبل افكاري و انا بالدجى سهران ندا الله أكبر قالها المذن التالي
و ما دمت أنا في دار من يذكر الرحمن أنا أشهد شهادة حق مانيب بالحالي

NOTE:

I'm hoping that the Author takes it with good sportsmanship, looking at this review as some sort of constructive criticism