talking =D

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eSalaam 3laikom

I just felt like writing sth, sorta talking to nobody, & then I remembered why I started this blog in the 1st place.. it's supposed to B some sort of an electronic diary
I've realized sth lately, you know how ppl say that med school took over their life & so on & I never agreed on that. Well, I think med school does not take over your life, it takes the things U like away from you.. as far as for me, the 1st couple of years went pretty much normal. In the past 2 yrs though , & I dunno how this happened, but I haven't been enjoying the things I usually do, mostly because I don't have the time to do so, & at times because I'm so exhausted.. & I did miss a lot

I'm happy that I still enjoy watching tennis.. I'm currently watching the US open
& Yes, I heard the news & I was ever shocked =[ my all time fav lil boy is retiring, a little too early I would say.. When you think abt it, u'll know this is how Roddick does things.. he's so committed, he wouldn't wanna be disrespectful to the game because he knows he can no longer give 100% physically & mentally.. Typical Roddick 

it's really hard to pick another favorite, & I don't think I can do it.. Nobody replaced Agassi to me & nobody's gonna replace Roddick
I'll just have to stick to Rafa

I've been trying to read sth, but I guess after reading more than a dozen of books this summer I just lost my appetite.. every book seems to be boring at this point, so instead of that I'm hanging out with my cousins, uncles & aunts.. I love being showered with family love, feels so good =]

& I like instagram <3 a="a" abandoned="abandoned" abt="abt" amp="amp" as="as" completely="completely" don="don" flickr="flickr" gives="gives" haven="haven" i="i" impression="impression" instant="instant" it="it" just="just" long="long" lot="lot" me="me" more="more" nbsp="nbsp" of="of" p="p" pics="pics" quality="quality" reminds="reminds" s="s" t="t" take="take" the="the" wanted.="wanted." which="which" worry="worry">
I was looking back at my old posts in the blog & I realized how much I've matured since I started this blog. I was a very young happy girl, who haven't seen a thing of the world.. I was more naive that I am nowadays, I still am naive lol but I've grown up & I don't let ppl exploit me anymore.. I'm nice, I'm good but I'm not gonna let ppl use my tenderheartedness as a weapon against me.. I will not get caught in the same trap over & over again.

I've got a few days before I'm back to Uni.. it's gonna be tough this year, but I can make it.. I'll fight like I always did & inShallah I'll end the year on top of the list =D

عيدكم مبارك

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عيدكم مبارك
كل عام و انتو بخير و عساكم من عواده

I am

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This post is gonna be so freakin' random

- I miss my blog
- I miss سلة ميوه a lot.. it's a shame I haven't even read her goodbye post =[
- I feel like talking so that's basically Y I'm posting
- I confess I suddenly find myself being cold, very cold, amazingly cold & I have no idea how I've turned to be this cold,, but there's still some warmth deep inside for those who deserve it.
- I don't eat strawberries, I don't eat berries in general! 
- I don't eat Marshmallow
- I drink milk every morning
- I once dreamed of becoming a TALL girl lol
- 7 or 8 yrs ago I was obsessed with pens lol! daddy got me all kinds of those, I still have a lot, some dried up & I never got to use 'em
- I'm finally on instagram & I find it very addictive


I Hope

after 6 days I'll be off meds inShallah =]

I hope by then I don't have to withstand the ugly side effects I've been living with in the past 7 or 8 months
No more nose bleed every morning
No more hair loss
No more bone, muscle, & joint ache
No more blurred vision


London 2012

GoSh I miss sports, the passion, the excitement, & the spirit.. I miss everything
I'm really enjoying the Olympics.. Phelps is amazing, as usual, & Lochte keeps on impressing me
Cheering 4 Serena & she's not letting me down =] she's made the final in both singles & doubles. The Bryan twins are making me happy as well
So Yeah, Sports makes me happy
I swear the smile those athletes draw on my face when they end a race or stand on the podium, when they raise that Olympic medal, when their eyes glitter with tears of joy when their national anthem is being played.. God, that smile makes me feel good & it feels so real, it's a smile that comes from the deepest chamber in my heart & god knows I don't smile like this much these days


I wanted to write sth abt 2-9-1990 but when I thought abt it I figured out I would just want to leave you guys with what Dr. Sameer wrote, I loved his post & I can relate 2 it
for those who're interested in what he wrote here's a link 


I've been reading a lot lately & that's good, reading more Arabic books than English ones which is really good, it's helping me get back my Arabic


One last thing, what happened to all the old bloggers I used to know, everyone is abandoning their blogs (like I didn't lol) I miss the old blogging world , the old bloggers, thank god some are still here
I was so pleased to read Estekana's post that other day, wallah the news that she's back it made me so happy, she's one of the very 1st bloggers I started following, that was way b4 I even started my own blog


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eSalaam 3laikom =]

Oh yeah! Summer it is! I've been on holiday 4 almost a month now, chilling & trying to relax... lots of paper work 2 do, going to uni pretty much once a week =@ I'm now trying 2 catch up with lots of postponed appointments.. & it's now the time to work on my health again =]

I think I'm doing well, I'm not satisfied as usual, I doubt I'll ever be.. bs think I'm happy with reagards to how I'm doing, I'm on the right track, doing the right thing so el7emdellah

I'm not used to taking baby steps the way I'm doing, I usually say I want & Voilà her it is =]
but it's ok really! As long as I know I'm on the right track, I'll eventually get what I want, I'm 100% certain.

At the beginning of the holiday I used to wake up so early in the morning, probably bcuz my body got used to it.. I wanna do so many things, gotta plan the holiday, use it wisely, & I need to read a bit.. I've got a pile of books waiting for me to read 'em & I've got a very long list of other books that I want to get & I promised myself I'm not getting any of those till I'm done with the ones I have or I know I'll never read 'em.. I'm such a baby lol

Surprised my bestie on her B-Day!! That was amazing =d made her day & mine el7emdella
now I've got to do all the visa work, hope everything will be done bser3a or I won't have time to travel. I'm trying 2 keep myself flexible regarding my plans 4 the holiday, although I really need to B in the states by August, it's ok if things don't work out, let's just hope we're done with our visas early enough.


I'm mixing with ppl a lil bit more than usual & it's not that bad
I'm reading Arabic books now, cuz I know if I keep on reading in English, one day I'll find out that 90% of my Arabic is gone. & that I don't want to happen.. I love Arabic
I've downloaded a lot of books on my kindle & hopefully will finish reading most of 'em by the end of the summer
& I'm baking again =] My cousins, uncles, & aunts fell heads over heels for my cherry cheese cake. I still can't believe it lol.. I've been making them one cake after another & they still want more lol 3laihom bl3afya
& Can't wait 4 the Olympics to start.. it's gonna be amazing, the thought of it brings back so many good memories..  


Sometimes I think I need a punching bag I need one so bad.. I need it to take out all the negative energy of frustration & anger.. I'm just frustrated of how ppl have become, how the world has become.. it's becoming ugly by the second =[

as usual will leave u with some random shots

I just love flowers

I can't
I don't c myself in 20 yrs

random =p

Tagged By The Addictioneer

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I was tagged to the Addictioneer a long time ago but I have't had enough time to answer it believe it or not. Sorry for being late Bro

11 Random Facts abt Hope

1- Although I'm 21 yrs old now, I still think of myself, look @ myself as a lil girl.
2- I don't mix with ppl well, not social @ all. I'm a very quiet person around ppl I dunno.
3- I'm a very jealous girl, @ times I can even be jealous from my mom & my siblings lol.
4- I don't like de3la kids.. they are evil lil creatures who always exploit my sweetheartedness.
5- I like to write letters, I love hand-written letters, I used to write to my cousin who was in the States back when I was 6 yrs old.. I loved waiting for her replies.. opening the envelop, reading the letter out load to my family =] 
6- I don't make friends easily, & I don't have many friends
7- I hate lies & liars & this is why I don't have many friends, U lie to me once, U R always a liar in my eyes & I'll doubt every word U ever say.
8- عندي قناعة ان الناس اللي ما حبيتهم و انا صغيره ما راح احبهم على كبر
9- I'm smart in so many things, but not life, I'm so stupid & naive when it comes to dealing with ppl.
11- Rule #1 in LiFe: Respect, Respect, Respect.
كل علاقه انسانيه بغض النظر عن نوعيتها صداقه اخوة زمالة لابد ان تقوم في بدايتها على شي واحد اهوا الإحترام.. اذا راح الاحترام راح كل شي

My Answers:

1. How do you see the future?
Bright, I see myslef finally staisfied with what I've achieved but still eager to achieve more. I see myself in 5 yrs but for some reason not for 10 =s

2. Do you wanna change something happened in the past? What is it? 
Maybe allowing ppl 2 hurt me, letting ppl in my life, making friends actually!

3. Your nickname, what does it mean? 
My friend PeaCe gave me the name cuz I'm all gloomy & dark, it just makes me hopeful for the best, it remindes me that the best is yet to come

4. What's the brand of your laptop? 

5. What is the mobile phone you're using? 
HTC Sensation <3

6. Do you think about immigration? 
Well, not really, not for a life time.. mayB 4 a few year, but definitely not for a life time, I love it here in Kuwait.

7. What's you hobby? 
Not much: Reading, watching sports, graphics designing & knitting

8. Do you do some exercise, sport or go to gym? do you do anything healthy?
Not really! I so want to but I just don't have the time, I'm lazy & busy,, I gotta create the time I must
I try 2 eat healthy though, no fast food or soft drinks.

9. Something you want so bad. You want to buy it soon. What is it?
I can't think of a specific thing right now

10. Are you enjoying what's happening around you?
No, I'm stressing so much

11. How can you know that a person is not racist?
I can't.. it all lies in the heart.

My Questions:

1- Last book U read is ...
2- Favorite proverb
3- What is the thing that scares you the most?
4- Why did you start blogging?
5- What's the 1st blog you started following?
7- Favorite childhood memory
8- have you ever come in 1st place in a contest? if yes, when & what contest?
9- Who's the 1 person U can't imagine living with out?
10- Your worst feature is ..
11- Closer to mum or dad?

Pretty much every1 have been tagged by now, so I tag Ra1, Reemas, Miracle Girl, & DXB girl

1. Post 11 random facts about yourself 
2. Answer the 11 questions I asked 
3. Tag 11 other bloggers and create 11 questions for them to answer 
4. Inform those that you have tagged them 
5. No tag backs

A Day To Remember

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Hi there =]

haven't been posting 4 a while now.. 
Last weekend was one of the most enjoyable ones.. I loved it, enjoyed my time so much & I was so Happy =] truly really happy el7emDella

1st I planned a surprise B-Day party 4 my sweetheart! 2 days B4 his actual B-Day.. & everything went smoothly, he loved the cake he loved the flowers & I managed to surprise him & draw a smile on his face.. I knew he was happy & he got the message, he knew once more how much I love him.. I could tell from the way he looked at me, from the way he smiled, from his warm huge & tender kisses =] He was Happy & so was I

then on his actual B-Day we celebrated his B-Day again =] that was a day to remember.. I baked him a cheese cake cuz I know he's so in LOVE with cheesecakes & every1 loved itttttt.. it was the 1st one 2 B all eaten up among 4 other cakes along with other dessert dishes. & I ate fish & shrimps with rice I think for the 1st time since my childhood, I used to love seafood so freakin' much, it was actually delicious.
 The best part  of the day was when Grandma blew the candles instead of him! how cute is that?! Super cute
I wiSh Grandpa was there =[ I miss him so much, I miss his jokes, I gotta go see him, spend more time with him.. I'm not used to being away from him, not listening 2 his jokes every few days =[

@ the beginning of this year I started a new delightful habit.. the habit of getting my beloved ones flowers =] just realized how much joy flowers can bring in the soul & how happy ppl get when they get 'em
got everyone flowers, every week an uncle or an aunt, started with my grandparents.. 1 aunt left & then I think I'm gonna start getting my cousins flowers too.. yestahloon 3yal 3ami =]
My aunts now call me me om el.ward lol

they're yellow bcuz yellow floweres symbolize joy, purity, clarity , lightheartedness, provision, sustenance, and all things that are wholesome & all of these apply on YOU =]

 One of the 5 B-Day cakes, yes, I said 5 lol

My yummy ice-cream <3

2 The most amazing Aunt in the world 

Off the subject =p Sometimes, I think the only things I'm GooD at are planning surprise B-Day party & lecturing ppl.. really! I'm so good @ lecturing ppl, I could take it up as a full time job lol
When it comes 2 lecturing ppl I can go on & on & on.. & as a matter of fact I'm pretty persuasive.. Good qualities I suppose & I better use 'em wisely


منذ ولادتي و ابي يسعدني من دون مقابل فيارب اسعده و احفظه لي


Dear U,
You weren't yourself yesterday.. I knew you were in pain, it's so obvious & it so hard for all of us to see you like this.. you were shivering.. I know how hard it is to be on chemo again.. especially when I remember how hard it was the 1st time 4 years ago, but you are a fighter, you are all we have.. you're the one person we all love & adore & you're the dearest & closest person to my dearest..  I've always known you to be a fighter.. You can beat Cancer one more time, like you did last time, you're a fighter, a believer, a man of faith.. You can beat it, with us you definitely can <3

اللهم رب الناس اذهب البأس اشف انت الشافى شفاء لايغادر سقما

شـلتك بـيـوفي .. وطـّـن .. ♥

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Happy National Day
الله يديم عليج الافراح يا كويت العز
اللهم احفظ الكويت وأهلها وارفع قدرها وبارك فى ثرواتها وزدها من رضاك ورزقك وفضلك و نعمك وأدم أفراحها

The Blogging Tag

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I saw this tag @ Mariam's Blog & I loved the idea behind it, so I'm gonna do it 

1- When did you start blogging and why ?
I started blogging in the summer of 2008, I thought it would be good to have a personal blog as some sort of an electronic diary, a place that's mine, where I can say whatever I want 2 without being judged.

2- How did you choose your blog name ?  Whats the story behind it ?
My dear friend Nora gave me the nickname HOPE many years back & I though Hope's Land would be a perfect name 4 my blog.

3- Did blogging helped you in a way or other ?
Yes it did, a lot actually, helped me get over a lot of sadness, grow over my pain, be someone different at times, learned a lot from the blogsphere.

4- Where do you see your blog in the next two years ?
I dunno!! Still there hopefully

5 - Your favorite post by you ? And why ?
My favorite ones are these two:
& I specifically chose these two cuz I still remember how it felt 2 write them, these are ones of the most emotional post I've written, & I'm so PROUD of who I've written abt in 'em

6- Who's your favorite blogger\blog ?
Estekana, I miss her post so much

حَسْبُنَا اللَّهُ وَنِعْمَ الْوَكِيلُ

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I'm supposed 2 B happy now.. I'm supposed to enjoy the free time I'm finally getting.. I'm supposed to be baking them a cake ='[ But I'm NOT.. I'm NOT happy, I'm not enjoying anything & I'm not baking a thing
I'm [HELPLESS] & speechless. Never did I ever imagine ppl can do this much to you, can harm & hurt others this much.. it's like I'm living in one of those movies.. What's happening to me is, simply, unreal..
& I became EMOTIONLESS, some how I did!! I miss them, I miss their noise & it breaks my heart that they've only been gone for less than a day now but I miss them so bad.. they're a piece of me.. & I have to fake that I'm ok, I'm so close to falling apart but I can't do that, I can't cry, I just can't.. I'm the Strong one out here, the one who every1 can lean on..
There are those unfortunate ones who that at this minute I decided not 2 ever forgive. Cuz when u use [them] when u fool [them] & when u hurt [them] then you've just signed your death sentence. When it comes 2 [them] there's no such a thing as forgiveness. Even if you think it's not worth it, I don't care really.. My job in life is 2 take care of 'em & I certainly won't let you go away with it I swear 2 god I won't, I'll hurt you, I will.. I'll hurt u with what you care for the most, with the dearest 2 ur heart.. I'll hurt you.. So evil & devilish? Yes, when you mess with my beloved ones I'm not that lil cute sweetheart any more


لما تعيش كل حياتك و عيون الناس عليك.. القريب و البعيد.. لما كل الناس تستغرب من How perfect your life is
لما تكون صداقات و آخر شي يطلعون اغلبهم صداقة مصلحه.. لما يحسدونك حتى على الضحكة
& when everything was so perfect & then suddenly & so out of the blue it's not
لما يحطون عينهم باغلى شي عندك.. يخربون حياتك.. لما يجرحونك بروحك و قلبك و نفسك
ساعتها تعرف ان الدنيا مو بخير.. ساعتها بس يحق لك تكره.. تتعلم شلون تكره و تتعلم ان في اشياء لازم ما تسامح عليها

كل اللي اقدر اقوله حسبي الله ونعم الوكيل .. و حق كل انسان غيور و حاط عينه علينا اقوله الله لا يهينك ولا يبارك لك لا بفرح ولا بصحه ولا بعيال ولا بأي شي تشتهيه نفسك.


Note 2 some ppl: 
 بدل الحسد تعلموا شي اسمه الغبطه


I don't need anyone 2 judge me.. I just wrote what I'm feeling now, you're not me so you don't know how it feels.
2 end this crazy post all I can say is that I'm thankful 4 having the best ppl in my life, those who'd call 2 check  on me, those who always shower me with their love.. el7emdellah, having them is a blessing
Thank you for being there 4 me


اللهم آجرني في مصيبتي و اخلفني خيرا منها

Pics & a lot more

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Hello ppl =]
seems like 2012 is gonna B all abt fighting my way through 
I've become so lazy lately, unbelievably LAZY, I just wanna sleep, sleep & sleep
Oh how I love sleep, if sleep was a man I would marry him lol .. wallah it's the only thing that I enjoy doing these days
I've been thinking lately & I realized I've stopped doin' the things I love, I haven't backed a cake since the summer, I want to but I don't have enough time & when I have the time I either sleep or waste it thinking of what cake should I bake =s
I haven't been able 2 watch proper tennis in the past year, I nearly cried when I finally got 2 watch a whole match a few days ago, the good thing is I still am the same, my heart beats fast when I see my boys, when they're defending a break point or losing their service game.. my heart still flutters when they win & I have that amazing feeling of joy that takes over once I hear "Game, Set, & Match Roddick" or Rafa or Williams
Further more, I still am a GobeSsa lol.. I still jinx my players, this thing has happened so many times.. I finally finish my exams, watch my players match in a Grand Slam Championship especially Roddick,, & they either lose in the most unexpected way or tumble, hurt themselves & are forced 2 retire.. End result = Heart break & heartache =[

haven't been studying as well as I should, I keep on postponing things, I need some1 2 slap me, scream at me.. I gotta study, I can't screw up, I can't afford another set back,, Not Acceptable 

I miss the times I used 2 write posts with lots of PiCs, so this one will have a lot of Pics =]

I was cleaning my room that other day & I found this lol
this goes back to the summer holiday, not sure last summer or the one b4 that
just look at this, it's hilarious
aham shay "Buy Samboosa" lol 7g RamaDan

Got my 2012 agenda 15 days late
I'm keeping some ppl away cuz I don't want 2 get hurt
I don't wanna write my diaries & complain & nag,, I don't want 2 write abt you in my diaries

Yes, I made this =] 

 One of my fav hobbies is grocery shopping, it's such a joy

my old school
didn't step a foot there since I graduated
I'm sure it looks very different from the inside now, I know it's different from the outside


اللهم احرسني و عائلتي ﻣن عين نظرت إلينا ولم تذكرك فأنت خير الحافظين ♥

2012.. Week 1

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2012.. Week 1 was Good =]
I spent new year's eve with my beloved ones, wiShed all my dear ones a Happy New Year right @ 12:00. I had the privilege to not only choose the Cake, but also cut it =p & I went to bed very very late that night. Day 1 was weird, it was a bit boring, but the rest of the week was nice.. Got my family flowers & then woke up one day to find flowers waiting 4 me =D that was AMAZING, it made my day.. 
The funny thing is that a couple of days b4 the end of the year I was wondering should I send the flowers to my grandma & aunties so they'll be the 1st thing they see in the morning & that would be super sweet =] but then when I thought abt it again I realized that I don't want them to wake up on the sound of the door bell, that wouldn't be nice, So I decided to take it to them on my own & they loved it... & then I was the one 2 B surprised by beautiful flowers in the morning =] el7emdellah 
& I'm planning a Birthday Celebration 4 my Uncle 2day =D Happy B-Day Sweetheart.. Ya 3sa 3omrek 6weel
I'm trying to B strong & stick to my resolutions, & trust me it's difficult.. very difficult


Here are a couple of words that I read somewhere & I loved, Unfortunately I dunno who the author is =s

الذين تراهم أشد صلابة يكونون أشد حاجة إلى الاحتواء العاطفي فهم لاينالون كفايتهم من العاطفة لأن كل من حولهم يظن أنهم بخير !
و نشتاق لجنة لم نبصرها يوماً

Good Bye 2011, Hello 2012

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It's a new year =] a brand new year, a new start, this feels good. I love new beginnings. Hopefully the end of all the ugliness lol & the start of a promising year.

I've made a few new years resolutions, for last year was ugly & I gotta learn my lesson. I've struggled a lil bit on the personal level in 2011. Actually I think I never cried in my liFe as much as I cried in 2011, & I happen to be a crier. So, this sums it up. 2011 wasn't good 2 me =[ I worked hard & everything was going my way & then boom! the end wasn't the way I wanted it to be, I said "Game Over" to some so called friends, found out that I was better off with out them. I got hurt, I was used & exploited. Some times this sentence "Being used & exploited" sounds like the story of my life. I gotta do sth abt this, I'm not gonna let this happen again.
& got hurt for the millionth time just 2wards the end of the year.. trra 4giving what U did was never an easy task, & forgiveness doesn't mean I'm weak, it's not a weak point, it means I'm a better person & I'll keep on doing it even when I say I won't 4give you.. I'll forgive you & I'll be out of your life =]

I'm grateful 4 having my family & my loved ones around me, I'm thankful for being able 2 spend new year's eve with my grandma & Uncles & Aunts. I'm Grateful for I have a strong Grandpa who's not gonna give up. I'm grateful 4 whole lotta things =] el7emDellah 

New Years Resolutions:

1- Make daddy proud.
2- Satisfy my self.
3- Achieve that THING.
4- Turn on the Nerd mood =p
5- Learn how to say NO.
6- Keep ppl away.
7- Spend the summer away, far away.
8- Kicking some ppl out of my life & mind for good.
9- Try 2 eat healthier food.
10- Try to exercise.
11- I'll B [ME], won't change 4 nobody =]
12- Learn how 2 drive. Again!
The rest I'll keep 4 mySelf =p

Enough Talking, Happy New Year Everyone
2012, You better B Good =p


اللهم هذه سنة جديدة مقبلة علينا وأنت مالك الملك نسألك خيرها وخير مافيها,ونعوذ بك من شرها و شر مافيها
اللهم وفقنا لما تحب و ترضى و احفظنا و اكتب لنا الخير في امورنا كلها
اللهم احفظ لي اهلي و احبابي، و ابعد عنا الشر كله
اللهم اني اعوذ بك من عين العائنين و سحر الساحرين و مكر الماكرين و كيد الشياطين.. اللهم احفظني و من احب بعينك التي لا تنام
اللهم اشفِ مرضانا و مرضى المسلمين و ارحم موتانا و موتى المسلمين و اجمعنا بهم في الفردوس الاعلى